(ThyBlackMan.com) In the state of Texas, where I live, parents are usually awarded ‘co-conservator’ status in the rearing of a child. That law is intended to give both parents a fair amount of input and presence in the child’s life. Co-conservator may sound like it’s even, but statistically it works out to about fifty-three to forty-seven percent in favor of the mom. That’s a six percent gap.
I suggest there is a huge opportunity for effectively co-parenting your child if you take advantage of the six percent gap (or whatever that percentage may work out to in your jurisdiction).
So the question is not how do you manage time with your chil
d when he or she is with you, but rather how do you manage the gap in visitation when your child is not with you? After all, you do not stop being a father because your child is not with you.
When you remain focused and positive, you are not just making great inroads during the time the child is actually in your care, but you are also managing the six-percent gap in between your time and the mother’s time.
Get Active
Getting active in the life of your child is a great way to manage the visitation gap. It’s not limited to the time you actually spend with your child. Consider becoming a volunteer at your child’s school; it’s a great way to extend your influence.
When you volunteer, it shows your child that you value education and authority. Extending your activity level does not always mean you have to spend money. Someone has well said that kids spell love T.I.M.E. Kids love to spend time with their dad. Something as simple as a library visit, a trip to the mall or museum permeates a child’s memory and makes an indelible impression.
Set Expectations
Setting expectations for your child is a huge factor in successfully managing the visitation gap. Think back to your childhood and the expectations that were in place at that time: homework, chores, cleaning up after yourself etc.
Those expectations were important; but, even more important were the character-building aspect that came along with them. It’s important to remember as single-dads how invaluable we are to the character of our children.
We are not part-time custodians. Set expectations and priorities with your children. One of the best things I ever did with my eight year-old son was to develop a “Father-Son Values” statement. It simply lists the values he and I share as father and son and how we are to conduct ourselves as such.
Use Your ‘Dad Clout’
If you really want to make great inroads to managing the visitation gap, use your influence! We aren’t in a position to control or dictate events in the life of our children, but we can exercise influence in a manner that produces exemplar results.
Influence is borne of being active and setting expectations. It gives you what I call a ‘dad card’ or ‘dad clout’ which constantly reminds that child of his or her greatness! Simple actions such as phone calls or writing letters to your child yield positive results in how your child perceives you. One of my favorite activities with my son is to pick a ‘Word of the Week’ each Sunday and challenge him to use the word in conversation all week. Little things add up to much when it comes to influence.
When you remain focused and positive, you are not just making great inroads during the time the child is actually in your care, but you are also managing gap in between your time and the mother’s time.
Staff Writer; W. Eric Croomes
This talented brother is a holistic lifestyle exercise expert and founder and executive coach of Infinite Strategies LLC, a multi-level coaching firm that develops and executes strategies for fitness training, youth achievement and lifestyle management. Eric is an author, fitness professional, holistic life coach and motivational speaker.
In October 2015, Eric released Life’s A Gym: Seven Fitness Principles to Get the Best of Both, which shows readers how to use exercise to attract a feeling of wellness, success and freedom (Infinite Strategies Coaching LLC, 2015) – http://www.infinitestrategiescoaching.com.