Are Black Men Suffering in Silence? : ThyBlackMan.com

Tuesday, May 23, 2017


Are Black Men Suffering in Silence?

January 16, 2016 by  
Filed under Brother Talk, Health, News, Opinion, Relationships, Weekly Columns

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(ThyBlackMan.com) A childhood friend called me upset and very concerned last week, a friend of her 13 year old son made plans to kill himself as a New Year’s resolution. On last Saturday my cousin and I spoke on a childhood friend of hers who had just committed suicide at 29 years of age. Of course the black community has faced suicide with celebrities but these days it seems to be getting closer to home which leaves me asking: Are black men suffering in silence?

The culture within our society requires that men be rigid, unemotional, distant, strong and sexually promiscuous. We live in a society where even mothers have bought into this unbalanced presentation of masculinity. I’ve experienced mothers neglecting to comfort their young sons who had fallen off of a bike or hurt themselves while playing because the son is expected to be a “big boy“.

We tell our sons not to cry, many of us even go as far as calling little boys our “little man“. We as mothers teach our sons that they shouldn’t express their emotions. I recall one of my favorite UFC fighters posting that on his son’s 4th birthday they made a pact that he would only cry if he’s near death and that they would no longer kiss one another. Why? Because he’s 4 now! It’s time for him to learn to be a man.

Children grow up people! Many of us are sharing a bed with those same little boys who were cut off from expressing themselves emotionally. Many of our relationship are failing because we’re in a relationship with a partner who is battling depression and because we, as mothers, are unable to nurture our sons fully, we lack the skills to assist our men in coping with the many hardships that revolve around manhood.

I am one who truly believes that depression leads to violence. In my humble opinion depression is the reason black on black crime is so prevalent in our community. From unemployment, incarceration, relationship drama, issues in fatherhood, mental illness, suicidal thoughts and emotional imbalance, its obvious our men are dealing with a variety of issues that our “man up” antics will never understand or solve.

Signs of Depression:

  • Sexual Dysfunction – Very few men will speak openly on this topic and I’ve crossed paths with men who would allow you to accuse them of cheating rather than saying they’re going through some difficulties that are affecting their sexual performance.
  • Substance Abuse – Many of us self-medicate. Over-the-counter drugs have given us much more power than we’re prepared to hold. Same goes for our need to go out and have a drink after a bad or long day. At times we use substances to numb our pain and often this leads us down a path to addiction.
  • Anger – Depression can cause rage. When we feel we have no power over factors affecting us in our lives, we at times start to use our power over those that love us. This also bleeds out into the community as well causing many to be on edge and prepared to respond with violence when someone bumps into them or says something they deem disrespectful.
  • Lack of Focus – Constantly replaying your sorrows, mistakes, shortcomings, etc. leaves little room for us to direct positive energy into projects that can propel us forward. Worrying makes temporary problems stick around later because it robs us of our joy.
Be sure to check out the full conversation covering this topic at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/175TheFIX. And if someone you know someone who is battling depression or suicide, seek immediate assistance. You can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.

 

Staff Writer; Dina Tuff

Connect with Mystic Philosopher & Inner Fitness Coach Dina Tuff @

The Magick Playhouse; http://dinatuff.blogspot.com/

Twitter; https://twitter.com/DinaTuff

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Comments

11 Responses to “Are Black Men Suffering in Silence?”
  1. Jean says:

    To the Writer,
    Wow, seems like you and your staff, blame women for the way black men have turned out, and for the awful rules and standards that white men set up. Sorry, but blCk men’s plight came not from black women, but from yours and white men’s actions. Men created their own problems. . You cannot blame black women for the rules and standards that men set up. You should be angry at the white man for creating the rules, which places the black females on the bottom. White women suffer too, because they are female, but they are white, so they have it better, than black women. But strangely, white and black women are the ones who are on used and abused by MALES. Get it?
    And you all have the nerve to say black women caused black men to have emotional problems. Heck, you all went along with what white men told you all to do. White men did so many things to females, while black men sat back and couldn’t or wouldn’t speak out, mainly for the more modern acts . But anyway black men, look at what the black female has endured because of men’s evil ways. Black women have suffered thru being lynched, objectified, sexualized, raped, molested, sold into slavery, claimed ownership of her mind and body, couldn’t vote, couldnt attend school, did not have a voice, told to let boyfriend or husband use her body in sexually degrading ways that hurt her mind and body.

  2. Jean says:

    To the Writer,
    Wow, ho you blame women for the way you men have set everything up. You have to be reminded that women he no power an
    I don’t agree with this article blaming the black woman for the sins of the black man or fir the way black men turned out.

    comments you wrote, are so unfair to women, you can’t blame mothers and wives for the rule and laws and standards of living that were set up by white men and black men lick up what black men say do. works that men set upmothers have bought into this unbalanced presentation of masculinity. I’ve experienced mothers neglecting to comfort their young sons who had fallen off of a bike or hurt themselves while playing because the son is

  3. says:

    I’m 48 and I might just have lived enough. I got married last year, I wanted to have children, my wife too, but so far God did not bless us. I have a job and a fair pay but I don’t have much of a career perspective and I start to hate it, particularly to have to work with my boss, a jerk, though he’s leaving by August. It becomes more and more difficult to me to do my tasks. I feel old, tired and my life does not make sense. I do drugs that contribute to my depression; I did them almost my entire life although most people didn’t know. I don’t like to face me on the mirror. I wish I had a button to switch me off without fear. I’ve found your site by accident, found it interesting and I’ve thought maybe they could say something different to me. (I hope it won’t matters that I’m not white, not American nor living in the States but I’m am definitely African, or was, for a while). Thanks, Zé.

  4. says:

    I’m 48 and I might just have lived enough. I got married last year, I wanted to have children, my wife too, but so far God did not bless us. I have a job and a fair pay but I don’t have much of a career perspective and I start to hate it, particularly to have to work with my boss, a jerk, though he’s leaving by August. It becomes more and more difficult to me to do my tasks. I feel old, tired and my life does not make sense. I do drugs that contribute to my depression; I did them almost my entire life although most people didn’t know. I don’t like to face me on the mirror. I wish I had a button to switch me off without fear. I’ve found your site by accident, found it interesting and I’ve thought maybe they could say something different to me. (I hope it won’t matters that I’m not white, not American nor living in the States but I’m am definitely African, or was for a while). Thanks, Zé.

  5. LIVITY says:

    We do suffer, for our community does not acknowledge any form of mental illness and that needs to change. Our unresolved issues result in destructive behaviors toward ourself and our love ones…
    Give thanks for sharing this post.

  6. Mad Rass says:

    Good insight…

  7. jdean says:

    i am jdean….i suffer split personality disorder…help me see the light i organized a terrible army to oppose u….i feel inferior….unworthy help me…..plz an email has been sent to you…..tommy sotomayor sponsers these troll accounts…he said the beef started with a girl nicknamed jacrispy…..hes crazy more so then i am….i repent to prince/king jesus and u…hell deny it….ramses is my kik friend….he previously went by rasil)…..

  8. anti-marque anthony-guild says:

    marque symbolizes a house jigga….he accepts the white mans religion altered and raped from aferica by the supposed enemy whitey….he glistens at the logical nationalism of black americansand launches ill supported tyrades against his fellow brothers for not adhering to his aferican extremist idealogies….he thinks all black business (or most) are failures and thinks a vast majority of blacks take Empire literally and viewing of such dooms them…marque is a cia agent working to forment a color revolution to install his radical like views on race and how the jewwhiteman ruins all….ignoring their impact on their fellow races and blacks free will…..marque anthony is a coward….we thank our brothers in arms for this attack against marque anthony and take full responsibility and credit for this attack…..

  9. Boy where you been? The new name “Melanaited Folks” is about to make it’s grand official appearanance real soon!

  10. jdean says:

    Bro stop copying and pasting that black shit. Africa is named after Scipio Africanus a Roman conqueror of the land which had many names like Nubia, Ethiopia, Abysinnia, Morocco etc. So African- American is not black ppls true name. No one is realistically gonna change it and you missed the point of the article which was DEPRESSION. Not if we should call ourselves black, stop using these articles to promote yourself. No one is going to change so you are doing alot of work for nuthin, black manchild

  11. Marque Anthony says:

    To The Author
    As an African American male, I am NOT BLACK.

    What’s sad is that we African Americans are still calling ourselves BLACK because Caucasian oppressors called us that to contrast their color and to assign to us all the negative things BLACK is equated with in the dictionary. The fact is, like it or not and believe it or not, YOU ARE BROWN and your car tires are black. You can say black is a culture but when they deal with you, they deal with you based on it’s definition – dismal, gloomy, dark, diabolical, treacherous, devoid of light.

    WAKE UP AFRICAN AMERICANS. We do not call the Asian yellow man because he would not stand for it. We do not call the Native American a red man because he would not stand for it. We do not call the Hispanic man a brown man because he would not stand for it. And many Africans, Haitians and Jamaicans do not accept being called a color they know they are NOT.

    Ironically, African Americans are the only ethnic group/race on the planet which allows ourselves to be called a color we are not, allowing ourselves to be defined by color, by someone else and to allow ourselves to be attached to a color we are not – a color they filled with negative denotations. Then we fight to help keep the lie in place. Is it any wonder that cops treat us as BLACK people by the definition of dismal, gloomy, treacherous, evil etc? We will never rise and overcome as a people if we allow other groups to define us, to define us with a lie and we are sadly willing to help them.

    AFRICAN AMERICAN LIVES MATTER PEOPLE. Black is the color of my car tires, not my skin. I am a family and relationship counselor who specializes in deprogramming African Americans from slavery mindsets.

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