(ThyBlackMan.com) First of all, legally I must say that I am not any attorney, that this information is for information purposes only (yeah right) and that you are encouraged to seek qualified legal help in your state as required by law. Now that the preliminaries are out of the way so some women’s group or feminist attorney won’t come after me for writing this article, let’s get down to business. This article is for men only but I expect many women to copy it and try to use it against you. Don’t worry, it has been written while taking that into account.
This article is for every African American man who wants to do the right thing, not men who want to be or stay irresponsible, drive around in a nice car while your kids have no shoes nor those men who give real men a bad name. But if you are a man who has been unfairly hammered by a woman with issues, a court that is biased, attorneys who did not help you as you needed, you just don’t know what to do or you feel disgusted and defeated, this article is for you.
Whatever you do guys, WHETHER YOU HAVE CHILDREN OR NOT, READ THIS ENTIRE ARTICLE AND SHARE IT WITH EVERY MAN YOU KNOW. You may even be in a happy, loving relationship but sometimes the direction of the wind changes quickly and without warning. It can happen to ANY man.
The first thing you have to do is determine what winning is. This means you have to set real objectives for the outcome. How much can you really afford to pay? What terms are you seeking? Your goal should never be to argue with your child’s mother, keep going back and forth to court nor to avoid taking care of your child. However, your objectives need to be set by you and only you – not the attorney, not the court and not the child’s mother.
Keep the jurisdiction away from the court. The next thing you have to do is set up the child support arrangements with the mother before it ever get’s to court. African American men, as a whole, have a bad habit of being reactive instead of proactive. That is why we wait, do nothing and end up in court to answer what she has filed. But you need to step up first because you will likely have a lot more say about the outcome. Most of you who were with a trifling woman will need to use a mediator. I know because I am a mediator. A skilled mediator can objectively help both of you build a mutually beneficial agreement and keep the matter out of the court.
The court usually only takes action and gains jurisdiction when you or thee mother give it to them so if both of you don’t, it’s likely they won’t. But even if one of you goes to the DHS Child Support Office, you have just given them and the court permission to jump in. That is when it usually starts to get ugly. The child support offices claim they represent the child, really? If they represent the child, then clearly they know putting you in jail or taking your driver’s license will only weaken your ability to help the child. How is that helping the child, especially if they put all men in the same stereotypical basket but let the woman get away with murder? That is also not equal protection under the law and could e a violation of your constitutional rights.
Don’t put yourself at a disadvantage. If you do not want something known, do not put it out there. I am not telling you to falsify anything, I am telling you to think before you buy things, make deposits or post all of your business on Facebook etc. It is not against the law to tell you to think before you act. And if you don’t, you could find yourself answering for the picture the court has of you on Facebook with the new car or on the deck of a cruise ship when you swore you had no money for child support.
Learn the child support laws in your state or in the state where the child resides. I mean really learn them. Don’t expect that you can be lazy and simply allow the attorney to handle all that stuff for you. Some attorneys will not practice standing for half of your rights and may not tell you all of them either. It is YOUR child and your case, YOUR money is at stake as well as YOUR livelihood. Therefore YOU need to know the laws that protect or restrict you. Your financially destiny must be largely in your hands and that only happens when YOU make it happen. So be ready to stand up for ever right you have.
For a FREE CHILD SUPPORT FACT SHEET, send an email request to brainstormonline@yahoo.com.
Keep records of everything you pay towards or for the child, even if they court or child support tell you some type records and receipts will not count. They may or may not count in the reduction f your child support. But they may very well count in establishing the perception the court and child support has of you. It is not likely a court will see a father as a deadbeat if you have a ton of receipts showing what you have done for your children. And image is everything.
Don’t run or hide. That makes you look guilty and feeds a negative perception of you. You do not want to feed the perception the other side or child support services may be trying to create . If you are nowhere around, the only side that is heard is the mother’s side – and that probably won’t be a list of very nice things about you at all. And as for assets, putting things in your mother’s name etc. often creates a paper trail that a skilled investigator can uncover.
If mediations break down, be prepared to take your child’s mother to court. Yes I said YOU TAKE HER TO COURT. African American men often fear the courts and avoid them until being summoned to appear or until being arrested. But it does not have to be that way. If you file first, she must be there to answer what YOU filed and the court may not see you the same way as if you are the one answering the mother or child support services. But be prepared for anything because you could get a “pro-mom” judge. Research a Writ of Habeas Corpus.
If you end up in court, the judge must follow the law so you must know those laws and have copies of them with the relevant sections highlighted. If you don’t have a strong case, mediation may be a better option than court. If you go to court, get to the point and leave out opinions or accusations you cannot prove. Judges hate personal attacks or arguments that have no basis in the law. I suggest you research courtroom procedure and how to represent yourself in court. Try Google, Youtube and maybe even LegalShield. Presentation is also everything because it shapes perception.
For a FREE CHILD SUPPORT FACT SHEET, send an email request to brainstormonline@yahoo.com.
If you file first, and yes you can even take child support services to court, you are the Plaintiff. You likely speak first, you present your case, you say what you are seeking and the other side has to defend herself or itself. Just know that she/they may bring an attorney. So if you are not one, you may be at a disadvantage. But what you file with the clerk and the court before it even get’s to court can be just as powerful as what happens in court. And you can also appeal a judge’s decision. There is neither enough time nor enough room in this article to tell you about all the Motions you could file, so you need to do some research using Google, your local law library, public library or law center in the county courthouse.
When you need an attorney, select the best attorney you can afford. Even make payment arrangements, if you can. If representing yourself, you are what is called Pro Se. In such case, you might want to purchase a service like LEGALSHIELD where you can ask unlimited questions of attorneys and have them read over your documents for as little as $20 a month. If you have to have an attorney represent you, I recommend Cordell and Cordell because they are a real father’s rights law firm. Visit their website and/or at least pay for a consultation. If you go with a “fly by night” lawyer instead of a strong one like those at Cordell and Cordell, you may save now but end up paying later when you lose your case. In any case, you will need to interview the attorney before retaining him or her. Ask about his/her track record in winning cases for fathers. Ask if he/she is married, has kids or has daughters. Does he/she practice in your county? Does he/she know the judges, their styles and how they usually rule in cases like yours?
I could keep providing more ways to help you but YOU have to do the research now. The Free Child Support Fact Sheet I mentioned above will help you but it is not a substitute for an attorney. Inclosing, let me say a few things. YOU must know your rights or you might as well not have any. You must be proactive instead of running and hiding which makes you look guilty.
Always remember, be a financially responsible parent who is involved in your children’s lives any and every way you can. Even if you pay all of your child support, to your children, it is never a substitute for the presence of a father in their lives. It will be hard and the mom may make it harder, but you must endure for your children’s sake. They are a part of you and your legacy. And if you are not there for them, you may start a cycle they may repeat in their own families. Your disdain of the mother should never, ever interfere with your relationship with your children and she should never be able to run you off. Never. Remember these things and be the example, the man God created you to be!
For a FREE CHILD SUPPORT FACT SHEET, send an email request to brainstormonline@yahoo.com.
Staff Writer; Marque-Anthony