(ThyBlackMan.com) Denial is a very dangerous thing. Yes there are rogue, renegade, dangerous, racist and unstable cops. But we can no more put all law enforcement officers into one basket than they can all of us. Our community is in a state of denial, often blaming others to avoid taking personal responsibility for our own actions. If our mouths make matters worse (like in the Sandra Bland incident), we want to ignore the laws and blame the police.
What I am about to say DOES NOT apply to all African Americans, but it applies to far too many of us. And you know if it applies to you or someone you know. We blame a psycho Spanish guy (Zimmerman) for 100% of the problem but fail to face that sometimes we don’t inform our children what to do if they are followed. We don’t teach our children not to confront a fool but we want to blame the fool alone when it turns out badly. We justify the actions of people of color and blame people of a different color. Yet if we are treated that way, we scream “racism”. It’s time to grow up and sometimes there is enough factual blame to go around. Sadly, too many of us want to make excuses to justify our actions and exempt ourselves. We all too often only want to look at one side – our side.
We want to blame the white man when we don’t succeed. Then we want to blame the white man for blocking our presidential “savior” for helping us succeed. We want to blame the police when we break the law and get caught or lose out. And if the police are guilty, they should be arrested, sent to prison and face stiff penalties. But we have to be careful of getting on the BLAME BANDWAGON, often before we even know the facts. We want to blame the courts when we don’t know our rights. We want to blame the school system when our children do not learn – even though we don’t check their homework, make sure they go to school, know where they are and attend the PTSA meetings.
There is an anger in our community that is embedded deep and straight from Hell. It is a personal discontentment
that is cloaked in blaming others for our problems and even our behavior. Too many of our people have no real peace and stay on the edge of losing it. Denial resolves nothing but it temporarily and deceptively makes us feel better about ourselves as if we did nothing wrong. Unfortunately that is not always accurate. Hitler got the Aryans to blame and scapegoat the Jews as the source of the Aryan problems. He was so “good” at this that the Aryans found it easier to hate and kill the Jews than to look in the mirror.
As a family and relationship counselor, mediator and life coach, I have dealt with, seen and exposed thousands of cases of denial. it’s time for our people to look in the mirror or we will never find real solutions. Our brothers have to admit they act like horny, irresponsible dogs (not all of them). Our women (not all) have to admit they need to learn to control their mouths and in many cases, keep their legs closed. Hard words to hear? Yes because the medicine that works best often tastes bitter.
Wisdom dictates that each of us be accountable for our own actions. Are there other factors like racism and discrimination that contribute to our people in poverty? You better believe there are. But those things are reasons, factors and catalysts – not excuses to stay where you are in life. Should all those who contribute to a plan for your downfall be held responsible? Definitely, but if you allow them to stop you or help them hinder you – you are just as much to blame as they are.
We don’t want to be stereotyped, yet so many of us judge many people by the actions of a few. It’s time to grow up. When they are at fault, we need to address that and go for justice. But when we are at fault, we need to look in the mirror. One common reaction when faced with looking in the mirror is for many of our people to blame others. Another is to lash out because the nail has been hit on the head. I saw that heavily in another article I wrote recently. A third reaction is to simply ignore the truth, the facts and/or the evidence or play dumb.
We can solve our problems and we may in fact be the only solutions in our community. But that takes the wisdom and maturity to look at the roots of our problems instead of pointing the finger. No race or ethnic group is perfect and I do not believe white people are innately superior to us. But I am not writing this article to them. When I write articles to them ort conduct seminars they attend, I speak the truth as it relates to them as well. Therefore my approach remains balanced. And I look in the mirror every day for errors and faults in myself that need to be corrected. I do not fear the mirror. Will you look in the mirror? If you do, what do you see?
Staff Writer; Marque-Anthony