What’s Wrong With African-American Men? : ThyBlackMan.com

Thursday, April 27, 2017


What’s Wrong With African-American Men?

February 27, 2015 by  
Filed under Brother Talk, News, Opinion, Relationships, Weekly Columns

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(ThyBlackMan.com) Recently I wrote an article entitled What’s Wrong With African-American Women. But now it’s time for us to take a good hard look at African-American men and the problems we have. Beware guys, because if you keep reading, I am going to be hard on you – hard but fair. Why? Because you have to set the tone for the family and the community. You are the leaders who need to rise up and stop blaming the white man, even though I acknowledge there has been a systematic and strategic effort in this country to emasculate and oppress you . But you are bigger than that and better than that. If you will look in the mirror and fix your problems, you can expect that the world will take note and you will command restoration to your rightful place, a place stolen from you by slavery.

Too many men of our ethnicity are branded as lazy, sorry, no good, irresponsible, game players, users, immature or dogs. And many of you look and walk like a duck so….. but you can change that. Some of you are not in those categories, but for those of you who are, it’s time to grow up, man up and step up. No more excuses. No more blaming the “baby’s mama” YOU picked. You got what you wanted but then you didn’t want what you got. Life deals some nasty blows but you can and need to dust yourself off and stop waiting on your woman to do it for you. I do not want to call you names because the world does too much of that already. Instead I want to look at your problems, what caused them and what is keeping them in place. Largely, the only one who can really hold you down is you – unless you empower someone else to do so by believing they can.

Many African-American men are wounded, broken or both. These are reasons for certain behaviors, not excuses. The culprits? Slavery, abusive or “too busy” moms, absentee dads, negative females from past relationships and even childhood molestations. You may not be aware of this but in the worldwide sex trade (especially in the Illuminati), young boys are considered prizes, trophies and prime candidates for sexual abuse – in some cases more so than young girls. I know of dozens of cases I have encountered in my present or previous career. But men you need to know that you are a victim only as long as you believe you are. The minute you stop accepting that is the minute the authority over your reality begins to return to you.

A great many African-American men lack a knowledge of self and identity. Who are you? What are you? If you say you are a “black man”, you have already missed the boat. Black is the color of your car tires and in this country our people were labeled as “black” by white slave owners to create a contrast between night and day, good and evil, dismal and bright. You need to know who and what you are and many of you do not have a clue. If you do not know who or what you are, you will likely act like something and somebody you are not. You were made in God’s image so it’s time you wake up and act like you know. When you realize just the things I have said so far and you receive the revelation of them, the leader in you will begin to wake up, the lion in you will begin to rise up and the victory in you will start to show up.

A lack of real identity is what allows false identities and poor standards to take root. Too many of our brothers are acting like dogs in heat, chasing everything with a skirt, stretch pants or a “coochie“. You need to stop thinking below the waist. Instead you should be concentrating on your goals, your identity and your example. If you do so, women will notice you and you will not have to chase them. But you cannot expect a woman to follow your lead if all you do is lead yourself off a cliff or into a brick wall.group-of-black-men-2015

I must take a minute to set myself, my research and my motives apart from the Steve Harveys of the world who basically sell out men in order to get a TV show and a game show. Then there are the mediocre Dr Phils of the world who convince people all of their problems start in the mirror. That is not always true, but looking in the mirror can help you take account of your ability to do something about who or what is hindering you. Be very careful of the types I just mentioned because these type men are opportunists waiting to exploit someone’s weakness for popularity, ratings or gain. And if you know either of the men I named, tell them I said so. I will debate them on the topic any time.

A lack of real identity causes African-American men to be lazy, poor leaders and often produce what they saw – nothing. I didn’t see that in my household growing up. But if a man acts like a dog, he does so because he subconsciously believes he is a dog. If a man acts irresponsible, he believes that is who he is. If a man spends his money on strippers, prostitutes, weed or other drugs, his actions show he does not have proper insight for the future. He seeks instant gratification and the escapes of denial today instead of planning for tomorrow. He does not understand his purpose and the role he plays in the destiny of tomorrow. Before some of you get mad and say it, no It’s not just entertainment. It’s beneath you and you don’t even know it. You need to clear your head guys and regain the strength of your morality. How would you like it if your daughter or your mother was the one on stage naked that all the men are salivating over, fondling and degrading? African-American man need to represent the stability and example of men of character, value and morals – men who knows their real identity, not the identity society has embedded within you. Wake up.

Last year in 25 degree weather I saw a young African-African woman unloading a cart full of groceries while her African-American boyfriend sat in the warm car with the music on. That should never, ever happen. Before I saw him, I approached her to help. He jumped out of the car and almost got violent. He was offended and thought I was trying to talk to her, but I was only trying to help. She didn’t even bother to say thanks anyway, he got back in the warm car and she kept on loading all the groceries alone. THAT SHOULD NEVER HAPPEN. And young males, please PULL UP YOUR PANTS. Spell “saggin” backwards and what do you get? Niggas, ignorant acting African-American males who do not know who they are, what they should do or how they should act. As for the homosexual African-American males, you were born a MALE so act like a MALE. Regardless of what you think you should have been, apparently “God” did not have to get your consent before He created you so act like you know.

Guys you are getting tagged, targeted and stereotyped because you have allowed yourself to fall right into the behavioral traps that were set for you. Put simply, you are acting just like they said you would, thinking just as they predicted and reacting just as they expected. This has to stop. You are better than that, you are bigger than that and you were not born for that.

Guys you need to stop degrading women – even when they degrade themselves. You need to stop belittling women, abusing women and bouncing from woman to woman. You need to stop cheating. You need to take care of your children and teach your young boys to grow up and do the same. Do not let the woman or the court run you away because neither is an excuse for your absence. You need to pay your bills, learn the English language, stop using ebonic garbage or foul language and stop waiting for women to do what you should be doing.

I do realize the system we live in has been set up to trap you, oppress you and crush you, but only you can step into the trap. Nobody can force you into the bear trap unless you let them. It’s time to be accountable for your own actions. Today you need to stop blaming mama, daddy, the white man, the government, George Bush, the woman YOU picked or your job. If you have been hurt, welcome to the club, but it’s time to heal and stand up. You are going to have to face your problems and make them go away, not smoke them away, drink them away, weed them away or blame them away on someone else.

African-American women, while you are nodding your head, choose to be part of that man’s solution – not just part of his problem. We know the problems but lift him up, motivate him, encourage him and expect him to meet a higher standard. Then give him time to do it. Ladies when it comes to African-American men, if you cannot speak up to build up and lift up then shut up. Change often takes time, but with help my African-American brothers, it can and will happen – no matter what you have gone through. The mirror must become a friend to the African-American man, not an enemy. Only then can the African-American man cast a true reflection of the greatness he has within. I believe in you!

To reach me for confidential counseling, mediation, problem resolution, life coaching or other articles I have written, email me at brainstormonline@yahoo.com. You always have options.

Staff Writer; Marque-Anthony


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Comments

34 Responses to “What’s Wrong With African-American Men?”
  1. Pelvo White, Jr. says:

    Contemporary African American Skepticism

    The contemporary African American skeptic concerns himself with both worldly and other-worldly thoughts. Worldly thought concerns itself with the career of the human body. Other worldly thought concerns itself with the career of
    the immortal soul. Such thoughts contend that god is the ruler of the world, theological thought puts forth that the body is weak and destructible, and the soul is immortal. We do not get to this understanding of self through a strict set of reasoning, but by being told through theological discussions. We know the world outside of ourselves through our five senses. There is nothing in mind that was not first in senses.Religion requires that we perform the “leap of faith” to arrive at some understanding of the will of god. Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things unseen.” This paradoxical mingling of logic and illogic gives us a way of understanding and accepting supposedly what goes on outside of self that is detectable by our senses. Faith in a god who promises his rewards in heaven is other-worldly and empirical science is slowly pushing this kind of thought further and further out into infinity as our powerful tools used to investigate objectified nature reveal more and more of that which was outside of normal sense observations. We are finding that nothing is fixed, nothing is truly determined, and everything is relative. The African American skeptic is asked to accept the premise that he is born into a determined world where he must suffer. The skeptic must doubt and push back against the basic premise of a determined world and his present place in it. Skeptic thought, meaning the connecting of ideas that challenge the contemporary, takes us to another place . Skepticism calls us to practice a critical philosophy on what we think, how we act, and how we are treated. Skepticism takes us to the realization that racism is an illogical act and poverty an illogical condition. We must be skeptics when it comes to all modes of thought that condemns us to perpetual suffering and racism, doubt its authenticity, and its reality. Condemn it as flawed thought, and move on into a better future.

    Pelvo White, Jr.

  2. hford says:

    It is a failure to leave adolescence. What are the characteristic features of adolescence? Impulsivity, self-centeredness, irresponsibility, listening to fools (impressionable), complaing and resentful. It’s not unique to African Americans- all teenagers are guilty of becoming these things. And how the problem can be fixed: there’s only one solution. Black men and women need to show the next generation the high road in life. Considering the needs of your family and community. Begin the process and in a few generations you will all be on your way. Let go of the negative parts of your culture, they are bringing you down. White people had to do the same thing: we had to let go of our superiority complex, our racism. There may still be prejudicial behavior but you dont see the common white man or woman lynching black Americans or kicking them out of their businesses. I don’t blame Black men and women, but you all are the only ones who have the power to change yourselves. Turn to your good roots: Christianity, brotherhood and fellowship. Harden and cement your identity by reaching to the past, to Africa perhaps or at least learning the history of your own people and its great acheivements (with a positive mindset)! Focus on the resentments of the past and you will only recreate them as a self-fulfilling prophecy! No one wants to see you fail.

  3. Juju says:

    I had this exchange on a dating website. This is very typical of the responses I get. SOMEONE told all black men that all black women want them…… regardless of if they really do. All he has to be is a black interested male and he is in… When that doesnt happen the his tinny world crashes in on him. The bitter black male is a pain.

    JonReality12/7/2016 10:42:50 PM
    Report this message for inappropriate content

    Beautiful how are you doing this wonderful day ???. I love your profile and would love to know you better. Hello my name is Jonathan.?

    DarkjujuEmpath12/8/2016 3:59:56 AM
    Good luck with your search. I am sure you will find someone. Good bye

    JonReality12/8/2016 7:04:19 AM
    Report this message for inappropriate content

    I don’t know why the so cold reaction , I mean I was nice and respectful an I at least live in your area of the country… wheww blk women whether old are middle age are so full of anger an disrespect. I have now made my decision to give Caucasian women my attention. I just can’t do this anymore with my own race. Yes good bye. An there’s no need to respond with the typical blk woman words of rage, you said enough in your first cold message. Be blessed.

    DarkjujuEmpath12/8/2016 7:07:52 AM
    Could it be I am not physically attracted to you?? Is that so hard to believe? I dont care how much you like me I will never think of you in a romantic way. IS THAT REALLY SO HARD FOR YOU TO BELIEVE?

  4. aleem pervaiz says:

    I am from Pakistan and still noting the impact of British colonial rule in our country………….Although i was born after British departure but I still remember British with bad name………….the very badly persecuted the local people and their legacy is that the ruling elite of Pakistan is still running the affairs of Pakistan with British mindset………….these BROWN BASTARDS created a havoc for the local people…………the bureaucracy, the army, the industrialist, the trader……..they all are working with their British masters mindset………this is one of the biggest cause of backwardness……
    the problem of American-Africans is that once they were slaves…………the white rascals have kidnapped them from Africa and sold them as slaves in America……….they reunite them after marriages but the way they were uprooted from their ancestral lands is very painful and disgusting……….the main problem/hindrance of black people is their slavery………..I have not seen a single western country but what I read and seen through video based documentaries is that the WHITE RASCALS de-shaped this globe for their hegemonic designs particularly Britain, France, Holland, Belgium, Spain and now USA. I am of the opinion that the US black people are still in a state of fear of SLAVERY……….if the American government is sincere with them, have to do something special for them…………..

  5. Howard Campbell says:

    Three words. ” Low Self esteem”. Why do so many young black men in this country worship the tangibles? You know, The running shoes, jewelry and cars that bounce? and have almost no regard for the intangibles such as education, self discipline and self pride? The tangibles gets them instant
    attention and they instantly feel better about themselves.So they will do anything for the feeling including beg borrow or stealing and sometimes killing for the tangibles.

    In contrast, look at African immigrants who come to this country. With a healthy self esteem, the tangibles are not important. How many African drug dealers do you know? Most African immigrants that I know either have a post high school degree or are in the process of getting one. They are not distracted by the tangibles. They don’t need to be. The low self esteem or inferiority complex has to be dealt with.

  6. Princess says:

    Well stated Marque-Anthony!

  7. Pelvo White, Jr says:

    Date: Sat 05-Mar-2011

    Full Text:

    TITLE:African-Americans fuse Eastern, Western influences

    SECTION:Viewpoints

    PUBDATE:March 5, 2011

    HEADLINE:African-Americans fuse Eastern, Western influences

    BYLINE:By PELVO WHITE JR.

    TEXT:MARIANNA, FLORIDA

    The greatest challenges facing African-Americans today are centered on the
    problems of being (existence) and axiology (knowledge of values).

    African-Americans must completely shed their old inherited chattel slavish
    cocoon of being in order to fully embrace and value their existences as
    American citizens. America must support and build upon ways to deliver the
    African-American as a whole being, not a broken one, into mental and physical
    freedom as autonomous beings hundreds of years after the nihilistic
    psychological and physical damages of chattel slavery.

    African-Americans must put on a new being by fully accepting what we have
    become, which is nothing less than a fusion of Eastern world ancestry and
    Western world existence. America should be proud of the fact that
    African-Americans are living beings who are proving through their very
    existences that it is possible to fuse Eastern and Western thought into a
    viable, useful citizen.

    African-Americans are the living, breathing prototypes of human evolutional
    change possibilities in contemporary America. Men like G.W. Carver, W.E.B.
    Dubois and M.L. King Jr. all helped point the way toward true white American
    and African-American reconciliation, and the African-American’s liberating
    sense of self, and subsequent real freedom.

    African-American epistemology (the study of knowledge ) and aesthetics
    (expressions of beauty) are firmly rooted in Western thought, a way of
    thinking that once enslaved our ancestors and has now set us free, but this
    has been a partial freedom thus far which has freed the body much more than
    the mind. Many African-Americans still haven’t developed a clear definition of
    their being that is consistent with existing as a good citizen, as evidenced
    by too many of us being either incarcerated or not living up to our fullest
    potentials in America.

    Partial confusion still exists because many African Americans have inherited
    and still carry confusion as a result of our ancestors being psychologically
    and physically unmade as beings, and remade through selective breeding and
    harsh punishments by ancestral slaveholders. Most African-American ancestors
    were psychologically and physically broken down and then remade in an image
    created by their captors who, in fact, forced Western thought upon Eastern
    enslaved Africans.

    Some African-Americans still struggle against Western thought, choosing to try
    to replace it with other non-Eurocentric systems of logic. Much of the results
    of this process over time are African-Americans who do not necessarily
    identify with Africa at all, and are cut adrift psychologically when it comes
    to a sense of self. They are isolated from America’s mainstream.

    Too many African-Americans remain mystified by the whole of Western thought,
    which is the root of contemporary American thought. Many cannot decipher the
    signs and symbols of a Eurocentric or Afrocentric logical world. There is a
    disconnect of thought that creates an uncertainty in the being. Education of
    self is the key to a good recovery from the harmful effects of ancestral
    chattel slavery. A knowledge of and acceptance of self is a liberating
    journey.

    Empirical research and study into the origins of African-American being and
    knowledge will lead the citizen triumphantly out of the destructive past to
    the discovery of a contemporary suitable American being, a more universal
    being, who is fully capable of masterfully addressing the American future.

  8. Jeffrey Allen says:

    To those who say that Black men have bee absent from their childrens lives. the CDC researched that very thing. it found that Black men are i nther childrens lives more than any other race of people. if i=yoiu want proff Google CDC myth Black men absent from home. then we will talk.

  9. Papacool says:

    This article was truly the topic for discussion. If the males have no foundation to stand on why do we fail to understand why they sink? Anyone with a brain would understand that to get a problem solved you have to first understand what makes a problem to start with. On paper things always look good but the true test comes with implementation or the lack thereof. Black men have never gotten a fair shake in anything we succeeded in. We have had to work harder, be smarter, and go along to get along. Slavery was not the only obstacle that created our present situation. If you think small, you will get small. No role models, no economic understanding for growth development, and a system designed to keep progress from happening. We have also been our own worse enemy by not banding together and offering one another the encouragement to apply ourselves with every fiber within our being to make the system work for us instead of the other way around.

    When the focus is such as this article suggests, we have to man up and give ourselves an honest assessment. Have we done all we could to reach our goals and have we forgotten the things others endured for us to have a chance to make it. We need to look around us and see what the hell is going on within this country as it is morally bankrupt. It takes courage to admit that we need help. Swallow the pride and let us get back to basics as we are the superior race globally, spiritually, and mentally when one thinks about our history. We take a back seat to no one as those days of being subordinate are long gone. Keep your eyes on the prize and not on what you do or do not have. Let us learn to love one another and bring back some degree of social mores back to reality in this paradise lost. Peace out, Papacool.

  10. hoodgirl says:

    toomanygrandkids stand your ground. I share your sentiment. The first step in resolving a problem is to realize that it exists. After all, problems don’t get resolved through DENIAL!

  11. Marque-Anthony says:

    Toomanygrandkids I am an adult so like you, I will say what I want to say. The First Amendment is interesting and you should read it sometimes. As for your suggestion, I speak truth to power, truth to myself and truth to everyone equally regardless of economic status. You have no right to put anybody down by labeling them “ghetto”. It is funky little Uncle Tom Sambo attitudes like yours that make it easier for the powers that be to profile and subvert an entire race.

    I am certainly no better than any of the people you call “ghetto”. Yes I went to college. Yes I have specialized skillsets. Yes I drive a nice car and live in a paid for house. Yes I am articulate and well read. But none of that makes me better than anybody else.

    When we start to put down our own race or ethnicity, it allows other groups to believe they can put our people down as well. And certainly by some of your comments, you are not exempt from being a member of our race. Do not forget who you are – unless you never knew.

  12. toomanygrandkids says:

    @Marque Anthony

    What you are gonna do is NOT bring my grandkids in this. After all, I didn’t even mention the fact that you need to give “your speech” to your own kids, relatives, and other unfit, ghetto-minded black males. And please tell them to their faces.

  13. Marque-Anthony says:

    Shane you need to have your head examined. Are you on drugs or really just that clueless? I am not peddling anything but the verifiable facts. You are the only one who commented with such animosity and disdain and yet said absolutely nothing. What are you doing to solve problems, lift people up and build for our future generations?

    Shane folks is exactly the slave who would go back and hide in the barn or tell Massa we are running away. “Massa, Massa our slaves IS runnin away”.

  14. Marque-Anthony says:

    Wisdom dictates that we look at why people do what they do, not just what they do. Manipulation of society was evident in Hitler’s manipulation of the Aryans and it is obvious in this country today, if you are not in denial and if you know what to look for. Stats show the proof and the impact caused by broken homes. We as a people came from ancestry of strong family and tribal connections, but those connections were tampered with in slavery until they were all but broken apart. Cycles began that are still in place today. And if you are a person on color who thinks you are exempt from the ripple affect, you are wrong.

    This country has made progress, but many Caucasians see you in the same way no matter what you drive, where you live, how well you speak or your academic background. So you can think like you are Tiger Woods or Herman Cain if you like, but do not walk in the darkness of denial about how your “race” is viewed by the elites in this country.

  15. Marque-Anthony says:

    Toomanygrandkids here you go again with all that foolishness. You are constantly condescending and never solution-oriented. If you have “toomanygrandkids”, it’s not just the fault of the men because somebody’s daughters had to keep opening their legs.

    You do not seem to do anything but generate bitter, unproductive and negative energy. How does this help anything? If you read my article closely, you see that it has a ton of elements dealing with accountability for men. But to put them down, I will not do it. There is far too much of that already in this country.

    You clearly fail to understand how brainwashing and sociological programming works. You obviously are in denial about institutional racism. And you apparently do not understand the complexity of the problem and all of the culprits involved. My question for you is whether you are part of the solution or just a loud speak contributing as part of the problem.

  16. toomanygrandkids says:

    @tony…LMAO!! I couldn’t hide in the house with my grandchildren if I wanted to. And as for my looks, I pretty darn good, but now I don;t need your approval. Do I? Watching television isn’t required to know that black males are out of control. Watching television isn’t required to know that there exist punk ass black people (so-called leaders, scholars, etc) who are too scared to even acknowledge black on black crime. Watching television isn’t required to know that black men refuse to look in the mirror and see that the problem is staring them in the face. And I surely don’t need to watch television to know that black males are the most dangerous males in the black community. I can just take a walk to a grocery store and you better believe not far away are black males waiting for a helpless victim to rob, selling drugs, smoking drugs, and drinking.

    So you are wrong, Tony. My comments and I are not ignorant. Actually, you and those like you are ignorant. You choose to ignore the truth about black males and all your sympathy doesn’t help much either. The time has long passed to handle feral, outta control black males with kid gloves. If you haven’t noticed or heard, there are many of blacks and other races who are sick and tired of these tiresome excuses you and those like you make for these hoodlums.

  17. tony says:

    Too many grandkids you probably look as ignorant as that comment you made sounds. You are doing exactly what they want you to do, grab your remote and think what it is they want you to think. Really? So all of our ”Black Mens” actions,lives, and habits according to you and whatever stupid @$$ TV show give you the 100% layout of what black men are. That’s exactly what they want you to do. When you get home from work you just want to watch TV or sleep or find another distraction. The last thing you do when you get home is try to find out what really needs to be known, being who you really are, but you and your too many grandkids probably just sit at home and hide from the ”big black” and scary man they portray us to be and since they say so u follow suit. BRAINWASHED
    ???

  18. tony says:

    Too many grandkids you probably look as ignorant as that comment you made sounds. You are doing exactly what they want you to do, grab your remote and think what it is they want you to think. Really? So all of our ”Black Mens” actions,lives, and habits according to you and whatever stupid @$$ TV show give you the 100% layout of what black men are. That’s exactly what they want you to do. When you get home from work you just want to watch TV or sleep or find another distraction. The last thing you do when you get home is try to find out what really needs to be known, being who you really are, but you and your too many grandkids probably just sit at home and hide from the ”big black” and scary man they portray us to be and since they say so u follow suit. BRAINWASHED
    ???

    ______________________
    They think they are breaking us apart but when the smoke clears we will all be holding hand.

    I LOVE ALL MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS AND WHOEVER
    LOVES US WE SHALL NOT SHUN THEM OR STEREO TYPE THEM FOR WHAT ONE OF THEIRS DID TO OURS. IF THEY HAVE NO MALICIOUS INTENT
    AND COME WITH OPEN ARMS LET THEM IN BUT THERE IS NO ROOM FOR THE WHITE DEVIL WHO DESPISE US FOR HAVING MELANIN IN OUR SKIN THAT HELPS US ADAPT TO THE ATMOSPHERE BETTER THEY CLAIM BLACK ISN’T SO BEAUTIFUL BUT CREATED A TANNING BED….THEY HATE US BECAUSE THEY WANT TO BE US WHITE MAN IS THE SPAWN OF BLACK MAN NOTHING BUT A MUTATED ALBINO THAT BRANCHED OFF FROM SOCIETY AND TRIES TO DRAW A LINE BETWEEN US BUT WITHOUT US THERE IS NO THEM. FOOD FOR THOUGHT.

  19. Shane says:

    This was such a disappointing article. I definitely regret giving you the click bait and page views that you wanted. But this will definitely be my last time on this website. I almost feel embarrassed that black men are still peddling this “respectability”, heteronormative, garbage in our community.

  20. Marque-Anthony says:

    Toomanygrandkids you do not seem to understand Willie Lynche, sociological programming, brainwashing or even mind control. I suggest you google MK-Ultra or go to the government’s website http://www.uspto.gov and do a search on patented mind control techniques and devices. I speak facts, I have no idea where you are getting your info except from your past experiences with SOME African-American men.

  21. Marque-Anthony says:

    Toomanygrandkids your comments are never encouraging nor uplifting. They do not provide solutions or balanced analysis of the problem. They simply spout off hate and negativity. Then you contradict yourself by saying you are not a hater, but any reader can hear ion your tone that you are just that. As for passing my articles out amongst black hoodlums, I do. I speak to drug dealers, pimps, prostitutes etc and offer them better options, hope and the encouragement they maybe needed all along. I have spoken to dozens of gang members as well. THAT BEING SAID, WHAT DO YOU DO EXCEPT CRITICIZE?

  22. toomanygrandkids says:

    @Marque-Anthony

    If being dismissed is what you wanna call it, so be it. The very last thing I’m worried about are ignorant airheads. Anyway, I’m not a bitter black man hater. Far from it. Black males have enough hatred among and inside themselves and the entire world has proof of it. It’s blacks like you who fail to realize that black men haven’t built very much of anything for years. But they damn sure have bee tearing and burning down every structure they can place fire on. Why don’t you print out some of your articles and pass them out among black hoodlums? See if they can comprehend whatever message you are trying to get across.

  23. Marque-Anthony says:

    Toomanygrandkids you were just dismissed by a person who commented on you after you went on and on with nonsense in regards to another article I wrote. You seem to look for reasons to disagree, reasons to build bridges instead of walls and reasons to criticize when you neither have the experience nor offer the solutions. Are you a Republican? Wow. But if it will make your day, I will yet again address your inaccurate assumptions and confrontational criticisms.

    The cycles “black” men and women go through are not cycles started by many of them. If you understand sociology, you understand that. I do not make excuses, I provide reasons why people think, act and react as they do. If you understand psychology, the human psyche, the human spirit and the systematic singling out of black men as targets, you understand that. If you disagree, there is a ton of research to back up the points I just made.

    Racism and slavery may be used by some as an excuse but they are actual reasons why many of our people think and behave as they do, why there is an identity crisis and why cycles spin from one generation to another. Those are facts, not excuses.

    You said we cannot erase something that has already happened, but I say to you that the battle is not over and it is still happening in New York, L.A., Ferguson etc. Or did you forget about that? Police officers are brought to justice far less often when they have shot and killed a black man, another statistical FACT. So while we cannot erase what has already happened, maybe you think we have arrived. Or maybe you think racism does not impact public policy, political agendas, law enforcement and the legal system. I hope you are not that clueless.

    You sound like a bitter black man hater. And though it is true black men have oppressed others, so have black women, white men etc. But you need a history lesson because the last time I checked black men never killed a bunch of indigenous people on this land, captured a free and proud people and made them slaves for hundreds of years.

    Again there you go assuming by making statements like I am racist against white people. WRONG YET AGAIN. I state the facts and history presents the evidence. I am middle class, I grew up in a middle class household, attended a university where it was only 110% black, dated females of all ethnicities (including white) and I would marry one if I loved her. Not because of her color nor would I exclude a good woman because of it. You don’t know what you are talking about yet again.

    ______
    Correction “Reasons to build walls instead of building bridges.”

    ______
    Comment correction: I meant to say 10% black in the last paragraph of my last comment

  24. toomantgrandkids says:

    @Marque-Anthony

    What I fully understand is that black men continue to break up their own families, relationships, and marriages on their own. Everybody knows that the excuses of racism and slavery has become a convenient crutch they have been leaning on from the ending of slavery to the present. Thanks to Sister Ali’s book, The Blackwoman’s Guide to Understanding the Blackman, black women finally had most or all of the answers as to the behavior of black men. We surely know that slavery occurred and racism will continue to exist, but there’s no way we can erase something that already happened (slavery) nor can we erase something that we have no control over (racism).

    You say that this system was set up to oppress the black man. Well, I’ve got a newsflash for you: BLACK MALES ARE NOT ONLY THEIR OWN OPPRESSORS BUT THE OPPRESSORS OF OTHERS! Or, haven’t you noticed. The world is way bigger than the people you work with it. Do you realize that blacks are just as racist as any other race of people? Probably not. I bet you are the type who feels as though blacks should be racist towards whites since blacks had to endure slavery. It wouldn’t surprise me in the least.
    s
    And will you stop hating on Steve Harvey. It sounds as though you are just like so many other black men who are jealous of another black man earning money to take care of himself and his family.

  25. DarrellK says:

    Hi Marque-Anthony…
    I truly thank you for both articles. I have been waiting for our(AA Man) article. I appreciate your practical, sound, and in reality… counseling. As a single, productive African American man(not perfect, plenty room for improvement as well), it is refreshing to hear the truth. These articles have a bit of truth for all of us. To be validated(my personal experiences dating African American Women)on decaying behaviors that are plaguing our relationships. I rarely make comments on any site, but I find it interesting that when verifiable, practical truth is presented in a loving manner, it can never be accepted as such. I hear you loud and clear…! and I am sure the negatives heard you as well… their comments validate that you pricked a nerve. Thank you for your efforts and your help…! I would like to read more of your articles.

  26. Marque-Anthony says:

    D don’t misquote me. I never said black women were inherently evil and that is a foolish statement. Nor did I ever say black women were responsible for the demise of thee black community. Can you actually read and comprehend what you are reading? Nobody thought that in the comments but YOU and you sound bitter. Read the last paragraph of my article to women and you will see encouragement. If you cannot see that, you may need counseling. Each article was not to be balanced, it was to address the problems of a specific group. But both articles together are quite balanced. The fact that you see it differently is a good indicator that YOU are not balanced.

  27. Marque-Anthony says:

    D you are the only one who has made such an inaccurate comment about pacification of the men. I give reasons that are factually based. Notice that I say in the article that I am hard on the men and I am. Telling men not to think below the waist, to step up and be responsible and not to wait on the woman to do it are hardly examples of pacification. You need to go back and read the article a little more closely. I could also site a half dozen other examples that prove my article is not about pacification but rather encouragement. Black men have been beaten down enough and by every ethnic group on this planet.

    It’s time for building, not tearing down. In the article3e I said stop blaming the white man. Then I said stop blaming the “baby mama” YOU picked guys. Again, not pacification. If you want me to just slam black men- that is not going to happen. I take a real look at real problems with both genders. I do this for a living and I am very good at it. What do you do?

  28. Marque-Anthony says:

    Toomanygrandkids you do not understand the power of destructive programming. It creates a cycle of psychological and sociological behavior that the person does not even know he or she is exemplifying. That is a proven fact. I do not blame, I simply state the reasons that cause or contribute to a problem. Facts are facts and the black man is not the only reason for all of his brothers. Systematic racism and economic racism are real. Society has implemented the destruction of black families all the way back to slavery and many of those policies are still in place. Black men should be responsible for our own actions but those who should be held accountable consists of a much larger lists than just black men.

    Becky what in the world gave you the idea that black men just skip through life? In most cases that is not true, even though it may appear that way.

  29. D says:

    I read your articles about the African-American women (25yrs-45yrs) & now the African-American men (?). Your articles pacify the men & punish the women. How old are the men you are describing in this article? Under 25yrs? So I guess, women between 25-45yrs are mentally the same as the men you describe in this article? According to your articles, the Black men are more victims of this racist system than the Black women…for the men any dysfunctions on their part is because they are victimized, but the Black women are inherently evil. I guess the Black men don’t need to be apart of the solution to uplift & encourage Black women, as Black women are expected to do for Black men. Your articles are not balanced, but definitely one-sided, which is to be expected. Nothing will change. Black men of today (those descendants of American slavery) will always be/play the victim (as noted in your article) & the Black women is the blame for the demise of the Black community. Again, nothing will change.

  30. Becky says:

    I appreciated both articles. At some point we all come to know & can distinguish right from wrong. Most people have demons in their past. Most childhoods weren’t perfect. We can’t live in those memories. We can’t carry those bad experiences throughout our lives. We cant live according to someone else’s experiences either. Black men can be raised by one or both parents but it will require them to make their future actions better. Black men tend to play victim a lot. Black women were there in slavery too. You men weren’t and aren’t alone. I have to be honest. Black women who date non black men is rare. Black men are expected to date non black women. I say date who you want to be involved with, no matter the race. I just don’t think black women deserve to be boxed in while black men skip their way though life blaming others for their unsuccessful & less than smart choices. Black men must own their flaws & work their way out of bad situations. I love black men. I was raised by my moms family. My dad had an affair with a co worker & left my mom with two daughters. My mom was several years younger than my dad. He ended up with a woman who had six kids & numerous grand kids. He helped raise them. Left us out in the cold. He abandoned us. I refused to let his absence destroy me. It hasn’t but I don’t trust men & most women easily.

  31. toomanygrandkids says:

    In order for anyone to see what’s wrong with black men, you need only to watch the news and tv programs such as Fatal Attraction, Lock Up, First 48, Murder Book, Who The Bleep Did I Marry, etc. These programs feature the stories the real lives of real black so-called men and women. And no, you can’t blame their actions and behavior on slavery and racism.

  32. Steve says:

    I think one of the biggest problems that black men have today is the fact that many have been brought up in single parent, mostly women homes. This is an incredibly hot topic with many single moms out there who are doing their best to raise their boys alone. But the truth of the matter is this: a woman is not innately equipped to raise a man by herself anymore than a man is innately equipped to raise a young girl into her womanhood by himself. So many of our black men who have self-seeking behavior do so as a result of being raised in a vacuum of having a man around to balance the home.

  33. Marque-Anthony says:

    Thanks Leona for your honesty. I recently wrote an article entitled What’s Wrong With African-American Women and many women thought I would not place the brothers under the same scrutiny. But as a man and a father with two sons, my scrutiny of men is even tougher than of women.

    ______
    Leona, I would not suggest you give up just yet. You have to love him including his faults (unless the fault is abuse). When we get married, we say for better or worse, but did you mean it when you said it? He needs counseling to break the cycle of lust and strippers. His desires are misplaced and his desire should be towards you.

    You do have to take a stand and at this point, give him a choice – you or the lifestyle, but not both. You can also speak to your pastor about this (if he/she is knowledgeable and proactive). Speak to your husband’s family as well. Speak to God but most importantly, speak to your husband.

    Remember all of us fall short so patience, prayer and proactive intervention is needed here. All of them at the same time. You must go back and also ask why you married him. Whatever reason you wanted him should also be the reason you stay with him.

    Some marriages will not last. But you need to be able to stand in the mirror and before God to confess that you have done ALL that you can do.

    ______

    READ MY ARTICLE ENTITLED
    ” READ THIS BEFORE YOU GET A DIVORCE”

  34. Leona says:

    You are so on point. I see myself in some of your words. Me and GOD are working to make it better. And my husband(separated going toward divorce) who has loved strippers all his life, on his way to 3rd divorce. This sad, I used to love him. But I still love my black brothers.

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