(ThyBlackMan.com) Fathers are important to their children; they define the relationships their children will have in life. The world renowned scholar, and African American activist, Malcolm X, notes; any man can make a baby with a woman, but a father is responsible for the growth and development of HIS children. There will be many events this Fathers Day, but they must carry on after Sunday to encourage, engage and inspire Celebrating Fathers. No matter the background it is important for men of all ages, cultures and generations to be actively involved in their children’s lives. .
Relationship Building for Fathers
Father’s Day many fathers are determined to show their children that they love them, support their educational, spiritual, social, mental and emotional growth and development.
Traditionally men display affection in the way they / we do things for our children and families. It is not about giving money, buying expensive gifts and spoiling them, it is about sharing wisdom, modeling respect, building a foundation that is just, ethical and moral, teaching is more important than spending money.
Foundations of Love
Children love their daddies, the love that is shared is a foundation for future relationships that will either blossom into healthy and stable interaction between boys and girls or become unhealthy and chaotic. A father’s relationship with their children is built on trust and communication (verbal and nonverbal), a trust that daddy will be there to provide, to shelter, to comfort and be strong in sickness and health.
Daddies make a non-verbal vow just as a wedding vow to support their children so they can grow strong in mind and spirit. Just as there are wedding vows there are vows for fathers unspoken, emotionally far reaching. Too many fathers are not aware of the impact they have on their children’s future emotionally, psychologically and self-esteem development. Look at the boys that are angry, are their fathers active in their lives, look at the girls that are lonely and have low self-esteems, are their fathers nurturing and supportive? The foundations of relationships
can be developed from involved and active fathers. No lies, no deceit, no cover-ups, just open and honest truth about love and expectations for what fathers should be doing.
Fathers: history will judge you as a father by the behavior of your children and what their choices are in life. Many girls choose someone like their father for a potential boyfriend and husband, so what kind of father are you going to be, what kind of role model are you?
Experts agree that a girl’s future relationships with men are often shaped by both her relationship with her father and her father’s relationship with the daughter’s mother. In simple terms, girls who see their mothers being treated disrespectfully sometimes come to tolerate that treatment from future boyfriends, husbands, even male colleagues. Boys will imitate their fathers in how they treat women, how they interact and how they express their feelings.
Trips of the Heart
Fathers create chances when father and children go out together; go to the park, get ice cream, to the beach, to church, to for walks to talk. Don’t expect your children to develop a relationship with you, as a father you have to develop what type of relationship you want established. This is not always natural and takes work; it is well worth the effort in the coming years.
There will be times when your children reflect and retake these “Trips of the Heart” that remind them of you, they (sons and daughters) need this attention consistently.
The Bible gives the key to raising children in Proverbs 22:6. “Train a child in the way they should go, and when they are old they will not turn from it” so fathers must be involved and active. What way do you want your child to go and who do you want her / him to go with?
Teach that they deserve and should show respect, teach to be confident, teach to be independent and self-reliant, but teach compassion, sympathy and empathy with wisdom.
Responsibility and Accountability
Fathers be responsible and accountable for your actions and take responsibility to help raise your daughter or son. In the home or not you helped create that child, if you are a step parent you have an added responsibility to show that non-biological fathers can be good fathers with patience, love and prayer, it is not easy, you fill a void, a need that transcends biology. Surrogate fathers and step fathers do serve a valuable role, you still are viewed as a “father figure” so that girl or boy may not say it, but they need to know you are there today, tomorrow and the next day. There will come a time when they will need your help in their life and will call on the “father” that they know.
Diversity of Fatherhood
Many families have diverse backgrounds, it is not uncommon today to have Christian and Muslim families, Hispanic and Haitian, Mexican and Hispanic, Irish and Jamaican, Native American and Black, Jewish and non-Jewish, African American and other ethnic backgrounds either married or living in the same household.
Each family growing as one and working to make a “blended family” united. Fathers create a light that shines on the goodness of the family. That light casts away the darkness of strife and struggle. Malcolm X “We need more light about each other. Light creates understanding, understanding creates love, love creates patience, and patience creates unity,” fathers create and build unity in the family, in their communities and in the nation.
Dads are like the threads to multicultural and multiethnic tapestry. Keeping the family connected even with cultural or religious challenges. Respecting ones differences and loving their individuality, united in love. The 21st century has blended cultures, heritages and races. It has transcended to creating a true rainbow coalition of humanity under diverse family units. Family will guide and build the respect, patience and understanding that is needed to make a diverse family strong. The father is the corner stone, the foundation of this love, the rock that weathers the storms of life.
A Fathers Educational Expectations
Fathers teach your children they are smart, intelligent and creative, teach them that they are valuable and precious. Just because each child is different they should all have the same expectations for success and happiness. Success is not always making big sums of money, driving fancy cars or wearing expensive clothes. Success can also mean obtaining a
good education to provide for self and family; not depending on the government, being able to do for your own. Education is the key to continue self-growth and cultural strength; the Bible in Hosea 4:6, “My people are destroyed from lack of knowledge.” Guard your children away from negativity; guided them to knowledge, wisdom and understanding.
Malcolm X as it applies to the 21st century, “”Education is our passport to the future, for tomorrow belongs to the people who prepare for it today.” Children will not stay children forever so fathers help prepare children for the boardrooms, courtrooms, classrooms, conference rooms, presidential rooms, mayoral rooms, senatorial rooms and surgical rooms. Fathers prepare your children for the future, emphasis education; talk about drugs, sex, relationships, respectful and accountable behaviors. Teach your children equally about peer pressure with alcohol, cigarettes and other drugs. Building a strong foundation now will lessen the rebellion many parents experience during teen years. Empower yourself with knowledge so that you will not be reactive to situations and proactive to life’s challenges.
Conclusion
The world creates distractions in parental relationships and fosters interferences with sex, drugs, violence, complacency and lowering of morals and values. Fathers must be diligent to keep the lines of communication open between themselves and their children.
Children need and require a close relationship with their fathers, in some cases they do not know how to ask for it. Fathers your job is to show your child that they are great just the way they are and that you have high expectations for them. Fathers, pray for your children and anoint them with love, praise; speak power in their lives and protection.
God hears father’s prayers, a father sometimes needs to be humble, quick to praise, slow to anger and consistently available to his children.
Staff Writer; William D. Jackson
Find out more about this talented writer over at; OCS For Education.