(ThyBlackMan.com) I am not entirely sure, but if I was a betting [wo]man I would bet that many of you know all about (what I call) the ‘must have’ list. Of course, it is entirely possible that I am wrong, but just in case I am not, let’s talk about it. If you know anything about the ‘must have’ list then you know it is a list that many single people, including myself (once upon a time) have that list all of our hopes, dreams, and high exaggerated expectations of what we want from a relationship. It is a guide, if you will, that us (singles) use to help us navigate the shark-infested water of single-hood when we are searching for, or in-between relationships.
I am no different. When I was single, and walking the pavement in search of love I had a ‘must have’ list. The list contained what I wanted from a
potential mate. This was the one list that as I got older got shorter and shorter, and before long it was just, “please Lord, just let him have all his teeth”. Yes, really! Needless to say, said list was eventually abandoned. Over time, I decided instead of a ‘must have’ list I should change it to a ‘I deserve’ list. Back then I defined the ‘I deserve’ list as a pledge to myself to be treated the way I deserve to be treated by a potential mate.
The rules were simple.
Rule number one, when starting a relationship worth investing time and resources in, be vocal on your feelings about YOU, i.e., let him know you love YOU first, and your goal is to create love and happiness around you.
Two, set some ground rules, and boundaries of what is a deal breaker or a definite requirement.
Three, make it abundantly clear that you deserve consideration and consistency, and therefore it must be a requirement.
Four, flowers for no reason, not just on special occassions are necessary, but not required.
Lastly, and more importantly, you deserve to know he loves you to no bounds, unconditionally with no exception.
A while back I read a tweet on Twitter which read “There’s somebody out there for everybody. You just have to wait for GOD to bring them into your life.” It’s true. Because I am of the belief that somewhere in the universe God made a man just for you, so it’s going to be second nature for him to love you. He is going to be “That one person that you can talk to for hours without getting bored,” said another tweet.
How did the ‘I deserve’ list worked out for me, you ask? Well, as my husband would say, the moral of the story is, I believe that most of us already know what we deserve in a relationship; i.e., it’s all the things that we have learned good and bad from past relationships. And if we pay close attention we can make our chances that much greater to find what we are looking in a mate.
So, let me finish with this tidbit poem written by one of my favorite author, Maya Angelou title, Alone: “…
Now if you listen closely
I’ll tell you what I know
Storm clouds are gathering
The wind is gonna blow
The race of man is suffering
And I can hear the moan,
‘Cause nobody,
But nobody
Can make it out here alone.
Alone, all alone
Nobody, but nobody
Can make it out here alone.”