(ThyBlackMan.com) Sometime ago I came across a movie on PBS, titled: Arranged Marriage. It was about two female Teachers at a Brooklyn public school. One was an Orthodox Jew, and the other was a Muslim. The two women became friends upon learning that they were both being subjected to arranged marriages by their parents. As I watched the movie purely out of curiosity, I found myself intrigued by this outdated tradition that most Westerners just don’t understand, including myself. According to one blogger at psychologytoday one of the, “common rationale for arranged marriages is that young people are too immature and impulsive to make a wise choice, and experienced elders are likely to do better.” To put it differently, love is blind!
I have to tell you, I was so into the movie that I started thinking: ‘what if’ my parents had arranged my first marriage when I was eighteen? And where would I be today? As a parent now I have an idea what my parents were
thinking when I brought my first husband home. I believe it was, “oh, hell no!”
thinking when I brought my first husband home. I believe it was, “oh, hell no!”The more I thought about it the more I became convinced that maybe I could have benefited from an arranged marriage. Although I was ‘a day late and a dollar short,’ I still wanted to know if I was arranged marriage material. My friend’s take on the subject was quite comical, but sadly true. She said if my first marriage was arranged, “you would have ran away, killed yourself, or taken a lover at the risk of being stoned to death if you were unhappy.” She’s right! But, all jokes aside, while I’m not advocating one way versus the other, I just think it’s always good to keep an open mind. After all, knowledge is power.
I believe the question whether or not parents know best when it comes to a suitable marriage match for their kids (mostly daughters) depends largely on the individual and their belief system. Certainly, if countries like South Asia, Africa, and the Middle East (mostly among royalties) where it is largely practice see the good in it then it’s something worth thinking about. I understand not everyone will agree when it comes to arranged marriage, especially when you hear about so many horrid stories about child brides, and other horrible deeds.
However, most countries that practice this old tradition respect the sanctity of marriage, and have regulations that govern arranged marriages. One such country is China where, “the Chinese government introduced a new Marriage Law in 1980 setting the legal for women (20) and men (22) to marry.” It was especially reassuring to me to learn that not all arranged marriages are created equal. For example, did you know that in some cultures the girl have a say in the match making process? I read that, “Not all these marriages are forced. Parents ensure that their sons and daughters are satisfied with their parents’ choices… in more modern societies like India, the couple is encouraged to go out on dates so they can get to know each other better.”
And plus who can argue with a CNN report posted back in May 2012 that said “…with a divorce rate of just above 1% proponents argue arranged marriage is an effective way for young people to find a partner.” And other proponents say, “…the reason really the arranged marriage itself or the fact that in more traditional and conservative societies, people usually don’t get divorced anyway and stay within the marriage hoping to work things out.” Compare to the United States where it is reported that forty percent to sixty percent of new marriages will eventually end in divorce. The numbers are even direr for African American who are married the least and have a 29.9% marriage rate.
In the end the movie was an eye opener for me, not to mention predictable. Needless to say, both women succumbed to tradition and allowed their parents to find them a match. It was the perfect ending: girl meet boy via arranged meeting by parents, girl feels sparks, and one K.I.S.S. later there’s a baby carriage.
• Here are some interesting reads about the subject.