Keeping Mr. Right. : ThyBlackMan.com

Thursday, August 28, 2014


Keeping Mr. Right.

January 29, 2013 by  
Filed under News, Opinion, Relationships, Sista Talk, Weekly Columns

(ThyBlackMan.com) REVEALED (——

DAMAGED

There is something to be said about a beautiful black man. Not only does he command attention, his mere presence make your heart skip a beat and your body temperature rise. He makes you think of naughty things you swore to your mamma you would never do and lie to your girlfriends about doing.  He will have you saying, “where have you been all of my life?” Indeed, you will be down on your knees thanking the Lord that you have finally found him.

After years of walking the single girl line and having been disappointed, I took to my pen as usual to rant.  First, to complain and second to shed some light on what I felt was a major problem in my quest to find a good man.  In short, if you read the rest of my piece,“Damaged” you might come to the conclusion that I was “man bashing.”  It is true, but in my defense I was in fairly new relationship that I was having a hard time adjusting to with my unrealistic expectations.  

In fact, my new man whom I met online was nowhere near to the perfect man that I had imagined as a single girl.  I am sure some can relate, as singles we imagined our perfect man is a little like our fathers, or someone we equallyBlack couple hugging in park in autumn admire and respect. Look like Denzel Washington, preferably the Denzel in Mississippi Masala.  And have the genius of our first African American President, Barack Obama.  Lastly, we imagined he is gainfully employed and love children.  

The truth is, no one will ever meet the perfect man or woman; not me, and not you.  Personally speaking, I held on to the “perfect man” fantasy for way too long.  Meanwhile, wasting a whole lot of time with the wrong man.  All in all, I couldn’t help feeling that I needed to reassess my thinking and my needs.  Instead, what if he is not at all like our fathers, but equally devoted and loving. Not like Denzel, but like Carl in Family Matters charming, funny and responsible.  And he’s not a genius but a smart man with the ability to understand complex things. Not gainfully employed, but a self employed hustler who thinks children should be taught the value of a dollar and to be responsible for thyself.  In other words, mr. right.

I quickly realized that while I was busy being miss independently single, (see: MISS INDEPENDENT) and waiting for mr. perfect I was missing out on mr. right.  Further, it occurred to me since I had been single for so long, I still had the single girl mentality.  For instance, while my relationship was new I was still going out almost every night with my girlfriends on “girls night out.”  I remember one  night I asked him to pick me up, but completely forgot and left him waiting at a train station.  When he demanded to know what happened he was patient, cool and collected.  That night I came to the conclusion that mr. perfect did not exist and that mr. right was starring me in my face. 

In the first place, mr. right professed from inception what his attentions were. Second, mr. right respected the fact there were children involve who needed a provider and a protector. And third, mr. right was honest with his short comings, but more importantly he was forthcoming about the future that included taking care of a family and if God willing to multiply. 

Now let me be clear, I’m not saying you should settle for any Dick, Joe, or Harry, but simply that you should look deeper before accepting what’s on the surface.  With that said, if I could give some advice to a single sister it would be: don’t sit on the curb waiting for mr. perfect, (he does not exist) leave yourself open for mr. right.  Don’t expect your mr. right to automatically know the do’s and don’ts of how a relationship work.   More importantly, mr. right might quite possibly come with baggage, and very likely will be a little damage, however if he is putting in the work, reciprocate. 

Altogether, what I have learned in the past years is that: action speaks louder than words, and also in the words of Maya Angelou, “The first time someone shows you who they are – believe them.” Indeed, a truer statement has never been said. 

Staff Writer; Kency Desmangles

One can also connect with this sister via Facebook; K. Desmangles.

 

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Comments

3 Responses to “Keeping Mr. Right.”
  1. KENCY says:

    @librarylady, I’m happy you have found Mr. right. Sometimes it takes time, but as they say:the best thing comes to those who wait. Good luck! And remember, we are humans, so we are not perfect.

    @Steven, thank you for your encouraging words, it means more than you know :-)
    You are right, instead of blaming others for what could be our own flaws, we should look in the mirror first.

  2. Steven says:

    Kency

    I want to say I admire you and your piece. More women should be like you in some ways. The reason I say this is because you basically look in the mirror and realize that you need to readjust your thinking. You realize for the most part it was not a man fault you was single, it was partly your own. Alot of times we as people(black people) in general love to point the finger but never point it at ourselves. That is what is needed in our community. Thank you again sista and hope your relationship last.

  3. librarylady says:

    This is wonderful! I am a divorced mother and when my marriage ended, I was a on quest to find Mr. Perfect…like you, I was looking too much on the outside appearance and had a few unsuccessful relationships. The man I’m currently dating is, as you say, Mr. Right! When I think of him, I think of the friendship we built BEFORE the romance…my other relationships were built on the romance first. We bring out the best in each other…

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