Being the other woman.

by Staff December 12, 2012 12 Comments News Opinion Relationships Sista Talk Weekly Columns

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(ThyBlackMan.com) First let me start off by saying this a fictional writing and has nothing to do with the actual writer herself.

I hated her, despised her thought she was the worse woman on this earth until one day I realized that my own arc enemy had become me. Now don’t get me wrong sleeping with, laying with or any kind of copulation with someone else’s man is just wrong. But what if your heart, body and soul are conflicting with knowing and doing the right thing? Now we all know that being the other woman is a challenge almost a downright battle between you, him and her. I can say honestly that as a wife I might just kill the b**ch who thinks she can come and steal my husband, who does she think she is throwing her femininity at my man really?

Could she do it if he didn’t let her and how can you steal something that’s not up for grabs? Now here I am maybe I knew she existed maybe I didn’t all I know is that what I am feeling is real and simply put, I got caught up. Is it wrong yes, but I’m loving him and at the moment he is loving me and that’s all that matters. Sometimes we can’t help who we fall in love with or even the outcome of those feelings. Most of these other women never become the main one so to speak until they have fought and fought or the wife simply gives up and he becomes yours by default.

In the cases where the wife doesn’t give up and you see them in public and you as the chick on the side have to bow your head in shame because your either embarrassed or don’t know how to keep those damn feelings in check. You know that you feel a certain kind of a way because to you he is your man but to her he is her husband. Your friends tell you leave him alone but it’s like telling a bee to stop making honey you just can’t! You are willing to accept her leftovers just so you can have a meal, does it make you a part time lover or a part time fool?

Feelings, emotions and desires can play a trick on us making you believe that ignoring what you already know is not a bad thing but it is, I know that he is never going to take me serious and to her I will always be second. What a number second. We always want to come in first place so why settle for being number two? Besides the entire math and the downright common sense of it if he cheated on her what makes you any different?

You believe anything because deep down inside you are looking for something and yes, while you are doing it the feeling of pleasure is running through your body but you know in the back of your mind it’s oh so wrong. We can make a decision in this case stay either stay or leave it alone, but remember to take a serious look within yourself to see why you would choose to be in a race for a man’s affection when you can find your own. In the end and believe me it’s true you never win, you are forever going to be angry; you are forever going to be envious, you will forever be bitter and you will always the other woman..

And these are just thoughts from a sista….

Staff Writer; Nicole C.

Also connect with this sister through Facebook; Nicole C.

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toomanygrandkids says:
July 2, 2013 at 12:57 pm
for cake, pie, or cobbler. In most instances, its a recipe for disaster or a disaster waiting to happen. When reality sets in for these two(and it will), they REALLY get to know each other. All of the sneaking and lying they did comes back to haunt them. If one of them goes to the store and stays too long, thoughts like, “Where is she/he at?” When they get home, “Where you been?” “What took you so long?” Both of them will have thoughts of the other lying b/c they lied to each other or other ppl in the past. Trust me, a husband has to lie to his wife b/c plenty of females have told me that they were going away for the weekend with their married boyfriend. I’ll ask how’s he able to get away? He’d tell his wife that he and the fellas are taking a fishing trip out of town. Or he and some friends are going hunting and they’ve rented a cabin. Lie(s)! Chris Rock said, “Men live lies.” Women don’t like living w/ men who lie. Not good. B/C what you have are clouds of suspicion invading the mind. Somehow, we know when somebody’s lying to us or we think we know. Either way we become suspicious. All of a sudden, the female begins to notice some things his wife already knew about him. Habits that he’s had for years. Could be numerous things. He does hang out and forget to call and may not tell her where he’s going. But when he was with his wife, he stayed at home or work. But he’s not with his wife anymore. When a husband no longer married, he’s free and single. Doesn’t matter how many other females he’s got, he’s free. At the same time, he’s depending on her to wash more clothes, cook more food, and stay in the house more. Something that a single female is not used to. Single females give up more than even they realize when contemplating a bonafide relationship with her married boyfriend. Time will tell whether or not they last.
I didn’t mean to go on like this. Seriously. I’m gonna sto right here. I’ll pick up where I left off later.
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toomanygrandkids says:
July 2, 2013 at 11:34 am
@Empress Yuajah….you’re right. Some ppl may also say that the the man is having his cake and ice cream. Or, having his cake and eating it too. I’ve always thought of the other female as a long term piece of you know what and the longer she’s with him, she gives me the impression that she doesn’t mind at all. “He can get another and another…” Ya know, they say if a man cheats on his wife, he’ll cheat on anybody. Wouldn’t that include the other female?
@worldgirl….I don’t think this article is garbage or untrue. I don’t get the sense that the author is accusing every married of cheating on or leaving his wife. It’s just that there’s really a lot of creepin’ is goin’ on. I wish I could deny that. At some point and time, ALL OF US either think with our private parts or allow our private parts to do the thinking for us. You best believe that when I’m in the mood, so are my private parts. There may be church going women who’s husband’s left them, but there are just as many, if not more, women who left their husbands. What’s ironic is when husbands realize the grass ain’t greener on the ‘other’ side. I’ve noticed after these husbands do leave their wives, somewhere along the way they realize the grass ain’t greener on the ‘other’ side. He and the other female may last but so long b/c they will develope trust issues between each other! Think about it: They’re relationship is built on falsehood, or what I call, an oatmeal foundation. That’s very different from a stable marriage. They have no choice but to sneak and creep just to see each other. That’s what their fun and excitement is built/based on. Oh yeah, let’s not forget the sex. Seems as though single females live single lives with a married man. He’s not single like her. Married will never equal single b/c they’re not the same. The ingredients don’t go together when combined. It becomes a major problem when ppl when mix reality and can I say fantasy together. This ain’t a good recipe
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Rameses says:
July 2, 2013 at 11:31 am
sounds like they suffer from the Olivia Pope syndrome!!!!!!!! lol
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toomanygrandkids says:
July 2, 2013 at 10:00 am
of his obituary. But hey, I don’t make up the rules.
Being the other woman doesn’t phase many females. Like Chris Rock said, “Women like men that are already in relationships.” He’s absolutely correct. I’ve noticed that for years. Once again, its the older females from which the younger females learn this behavior. “Don’t mess around with a single man ’cause if he’s single that means nobody wants him. Get you a married man or a man with a woman ’cause they are better.” I’ve posted this on the story about Barack speaking in Chicago. I should’ve posted it here. Anyway, many young females took the above lesson to heart. Instead of respecting the institution of marriage, these single females valued the freedom and convience of being in a relationship w/ a man already involved with a woman. For years these females ‘creep’ with somebody else’s man. Sometimes she complains or she complains all the time depending on the day of the week. “He ain’t left his wife yet.” He may have told her ten years ago that he was gonna leave his wife and she’s still waiting b/c she’s in love with him. He’s told her that he’ll leave his wife when the kids graduate high school, move out of the house, graduate from college, and he hasn’t left yet. I’ve got news(or a newsflash) for the other female. A MARRIED MAN IS NOT LEAVING HIS WIFE B/C HE’S WITH YOU! A MARRIED MAN LEAVES HIS WIFE WHEN SHE MAKES HIS LIFE MISERABLE OR A LIVING HELL AT HOME. NO MAN LEAVES A GOOD, DECENT WIFE/WOMAN. Doesn’t even matter how many ‘other females’ he’s involved with. If you consider yourself a good woman to a married man, fine. But in reality, you are ‘the other good female’.
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toomanygrandkids says:
July 2, 2013 at 8:51 am
I realize that I’m very late commenting on this subject, but I’m just reading it. So here goes. Anyway you look at it, marriage isn’t valued/respected in the black community for a number of reasons. When I was younger, I became aware of the ghetto marriage/ghetto divorce process. This is when a couple who lives together for at least 5 years are considered husband and wife. No engagement, no ring, no ceremony, no reception. Only thing required was a cheap a ring that the female bought at a Woolworth’s(remember that store?). The female would ALWAYS refer to the male as her husband, and sometimes the male referred to his girlfriend as his wife. But everybody labeled them as a married couple. I thought, “Now this is kinda strange.” Black females have so many false ideas of marriage its not even funny. This is what/how the younger females see, hear, and learn from clear into adulthood. Now, a ghetto divorce is when a real married couple breaks up for whatever reason, but instead of obtaining a divorce from the court, they remain legally married, but separated. After at least 5 years of of seperation, they’re considered legally divorced. No divorce papers, no courtroom, and no lawyers. Guess they didn’t want to be bothered with the hassle of calling it quits. For example, my mom and stepdad married back in the sixties. The marriage lasted no more than 10 years. When they separated, they didn’t really separate b/c they produced two more kids. Only thing they had in common at that time was sex IMO b/c he didn’t stick around to raise us. Anyway, he passed away several years ago. Before his passing, he had been involved with another woman for 30 years. Yet my mom was listed in his obituary as his wife. WTH! They hadn’t been in a relationship or married for at least 30 years. Back then hooking up for one nite stands meant you were still husband and wife. I think not. I truly felt that the woman he was living with shouldn’t’ve been listed at the end
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Empress Yuajah says:
February 16, 2013 at 1:37 pm
Being the other woman is never worth it. You are his cake, not his long term investment. He can get another cake, and another and another….
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worldgirl says:
February 5, 2013 at 12:37 pm
What garbage! All men aren’t predators and all men don’t think with their little wee-wees. And the truth of the matter is, some of you do leave. There are plenty of women sitting in my chruch pews with husbands that left them for other women to attest to that. And no, they didn’t come back.
What you’re really saying to the female readers are men have uncontrollable sexual appetites and its not their fault they cheat, so don’t leave us when you catch us cheating!
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Eric L. Wattree says:
December 13, 2012 at 11:34 am
Mack,
What you’ve said is so true. I often tell sisters, if you want to be assured of ending up with a man you can’t trust, get involved with a brother who has no interests or goals – and when I say interests and goals, I’m not talking about trying to become a rap star.
All men have a need to define their manhood. So like Mack pointed out, mature men define their manhood through the pride they take in raising their families and moving towards achieving the goals they’ve set in life. But if you have a brother who sees being cool and hangin’ with his “dawgs” as the purpose of life, the only way left to define his manhood is through sexual conquests.
My mother used to have a saying – “Be careful where you meet your mate, because that’s where they’ll be behind your back.” So if you met your mate hangin’ in a club, drippin’ in bling, and hittin’ on women . . .
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Mack says:
December 13, 2012 at 9:23 am
…what you deserve.
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Mack says:
December 13, 2012 at 9:22 am
@ Eric: You’re not snitching on me bruh, because the kind of man you just described is one who strongly lacks integrity. A ‘wee-wee’ doesn’t make the man: INTEGRITY does. Only men without a foundation of manhood make tapping skins his prime priority. Hence why so many sisters are sick and tired with dealing with black men: they think we all fit the paradigm you described.
I’m no idealist; I’m a realist. When a guy is young, skins are his priority. Just had a discussion with a brother over this very subject earlier. But as he matures, he grows out of that mindset because BILLS need to be paid! Skins take a backseat to life. If you’re a grown ass man, still running around on a poon hunt, you are a retard. Seriously. Because somewhere along the line your development into manhood has been retarded. You suffer from a serious case of arrested development. So ladies, yes: peep game. But learn quickly to differentiate between a thirsty retard and a man whose on his grown man tip.
One more thing: if you meet a man who’s married, and start a sexual relationship with him, please don’t expect any sympathy from me when you get your heart broke…or your nose. You get EXACTLY
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thinkpink says:
December 12, 2012 at 10:55 pm
Thanks for the honesty
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Eric L. Wattree says:
December 12, 2012 at 8:31 pm
The woman in question is setting herself up for pain. First, men – ALL MEN – sexual predators by nature. God made us that way in order to insure the perpetuation of the species. So from the moment we first found out that our little wee-wees are good for something other than peeing, we’ve been on the prowl to get every piece we can. Now don’t get me wrong, there are men who have managed to control their predatory nature, but they are very rare, and men of the very highest character – and even they can slip if they run into a woman with a long enough booty.
So chances are, the man loves his wife, wouldn’t think of leaving her, and your friend is just another piece on the side – and most probably, one of others – and possibly, many others.
And yes, I sure he’s told your friend, with tears streaming from his eyes, that he loves her, and he wish that he had met her first. But that ain’t nothing but game. Because like I warned my daughter when she was a teenager, you can take the most illiterate man on Earth, but when it comes to trying to get a piece, poetic verse will flow from his tongue like Shakespeare. So a good rule of thumb when dealing with a man is, pay no attention to what he says; always watch what he does – and in your friends case, I can assure you, that as soon as he’s had an orgasm, the very first thought that crosses his mind is, “How am I gonna get the hell out of here.”
So sister, there you have it. Your friend is not only being disloyal to another sister, but she’s allowing herself to be used.
Sorry for being such a snitch, brothers. But it’s in the best interest of the community.
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