Yes Understanding Men. : ThyBlackMan.com

Thursday, April 24, 2014


Yes Understanding Men.

November 15, 2012 by  
Filed under News, Opinion, Relationships, Weekly Columns

(ThyBlackMan.com) Pick up any given women’s magazine, and you will find something that has been enduring: Information about men.

The problem is that much of that information comes from women.

Typically, the magazines provide lists that women should follow in order to measure the worth of potential male mates. Those lists also explain what men must understand about women in order to get along with them.

I think those lists do women a disservice.

While men are ostensibly less complicated than women, there are still some basic issues that some women seem to have difficulty understanding.

For example, some women take the advice they should express their views to their mates on every occasion, but frankly, sometimes being  silent  while  listening is far more valuable.

And, some of those magazines advise women to judge a man by how well he interacts with their girlfriends. This is a huge mistake because relationships should be based on the two people involved. If he treats the woman well, his interactions with her friends is not relevant.

I’ve heard so-called “relationship experts” tell women that there are certain things that men should just understand. That’s the silliest thing that anyone could tell another human being. The best thing to do is to have open discussions and express personalities to each other. That fosters understanding. There are no valid lists of things that men should just “know” about women.

It is a mistake to approach a relationship expecting that the two people would have everything in common. Honestly, some divergences are healthy and there are some fundamental differences between men and women. The goal is to understand and accept each other, not to become each other.

And, while we are discussing divergences, neither side of wrong for wanting what they want. If a man wants something different from you, decide that you will tolerate it or not. If you don’t want the same things, or don’t want to give them to a man, say so and we can keep it moving.

Finally, stop trying to invoke the fake “woman’s prerogative,” when changing your mind or claiming that you have the right to not be held to your own word.

Say what you mean and mean what you say, but more importantly, pay attention to what you say and don’t be angry when we do the same.

Telling a man that you don’t want a relationship, for example, is a mistake if you really do want one after having sex with him.  And, if you say that “nothing” is wrong, don’t be angry when a man acts like nothing is wrong.

The bottom line is that men and women are different. The best way to understand the other side is to seek information from the other side.

Even better, seek information from  the specific man you want to understand.

Staff Writer; Darryl James

One can connect with this brother via D.L. James. Also follow him on twitter; DarrylLJ.

Feel free to also purchase his newly released book which is entitled; The Whirlwind or The Storm, LA Riots Perspectives.

 

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Comments

4 Responses to “Yes Understanding Men.”
  1. Fine article, Darryl. From working with lots of girls who are growing up without their fathers and even older male siblings in their home, my guess is that many women don’t have the concept in mind of needing to ask a man about himself because there is an overload of information — of differing accuracy, of course — about the nature of men in general coming from the women who are around them. One does not even need the magazines to set up the scenario you describe.

    “And, some of those magazines advise women to judge a man by how well he interacts with their girlfriends. This is a huge mistake…”

    That is interesting advice from whatever magazine is giving it… one would think the average woman would be a little wary of her man and her girlfriends getting too friendly. On a deeper level, however, this relates back to the idea that young women nowadays might not have any input on men except from women: she may want her girlfriends to check the man out for that reason. It IS a problem. On the other hand…

    “… This is a huge mistake because relationships should be based on the two people involved. If he treats the woman well, his interactions with her friends is not relevant.”

    Relationships should be based on the two people involved, but it would also be a mistake to think they exist in isolation, particularly since women are much more relational in their thinking in general. So far as I know, very few men nowadays are taking their brides off to new continents beyond the reach of their former circle — and even if they did, somebody would build out Internet access and cellphone towers soon enough. That is to say, at some point, a man who intends to stay in the picture is going to have to interact with a woman’s girlfriends just like he will with her mother, grandmother, aunts, and any sisters, and all those women’s opinions and observations have weight. What is to be hoped is that the woman in question can give the facts and opinions she has to consider the PROPER weight. The true love of an honorable man ought to outweigh any contrary opinions of the girlfriends, to be certain.

    “Finally, stop trying to invoke the fake “woman’s prerogative,” when changing your mind or claiming that you have the right to not be held to your own word.” — priceless. No one gets a free pass on flip-flopping!

  2. Ramses says:

    And what they really don’t want to tell you is how much feminism contributes to homosexuality as well. It’s a direct correlation in the rise of gays in the so-called black community and feminism gaining power in each decade. We are the last ones out here you’ll even in the face of this toxicity, we still hold our balls in our hands firmly. I’ll sleep in the woods in a tent and hunt for food before I bow down to these weak brawds. It’s funny how they always want you to say it nicely and PC but don’t come back with the same mentality. And what is PC anyway? A nice way of telling a lie. Is a child PC? Hell no. If you stink a child will say “you stink.” Or if a child does not feel you they will not respond to you favorably. But what do we do? We socialize the natural instincts out of a child for the sake of making everyone feel good. A child is not supposed to make someone feel comfortable that makes them feel uncomfortable. So by the time you get out of college everything goes because you don’t wanna step on toes. make everyone feel good because we have to be nice to everyone. You think the male lion cares about being nice to everyone in the jungle? Please. Why? Because it has a nature. They are trying socialize the natural instinct out of people through media, so-called education, jobs you work, religion, etc etc. No wonder people can’t get along. We just are wise enough to see right through the bull and just like people throughout history, who had the foresight to see the truth, they get villified for it. However these are the same people who always complain about being oppressed, but hate the ones that bring them the truth that would help them get out of the oppression. That’s why rebellions have never really worked in the past. Because people, whether they want to admit it or not, have grown accustomed to being enslaved. Look at how excited people get at election time. If no group of people for the past two thousand years have shown you they can’t be trusted or are responsible it’s been church and state. From slavery to the inquisition church and state has worked hand in glove to keep people down. But these are the very institutions that are fraught with pedophiles, war criminals, and the like. Children come in this world with way more intelligence than adults, but by the time they get to adult age, they are mimicking the same stupidity their parents did. Kudos to you brothers for standing on your square through these toxic times. Get your sense of peace through any means necessary.

  3. sankofa says:

    Lol! Yeah Mack, brother was speacking PC so no hate here. The cause of all this is feminism. It puts a face on the annti-feminine woman agenda in western society. Being anti-feminine is being anti-family and anti-male. So anything these philistine push telling female show to act is contrary to a fullfiling and lasting relationship.

  4. Mack says:

    Excellent post. And amazed at the silence of the women on this one. This post has no ranting, and certainly no accusations of anger or hidden hurt can be laid upon this male author.

    It’ll be interesting to see how many sisters who claim to want a more softer approach to the way black men approach gender issues will come and respond positively on this.

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