When Love Kills.
October 24, 2012 by Staff
Filed under News, Opinion, Relationships, Sista Talk, Weekly Columns
(ThyBlackMan.com) Last week, I shared my story of abuse in “When Love Hurts” however it doesn’t stop there. What happens when the woman has done everything within the legal frames of the law to secure the safety of not only herself but her children as well? What happens when the legal system fails?
Originally I wanted to share my story because this is National Domestic Awareness Month. I wanted to share, in hopes that someone who may be experiencing the same thing would gain the courage to walk away with their life. I was one of the lucky ones I lived to tell my tale which is why I share it with women like myself, because there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Zina Haughton would not be as lucky as I. It would cost not only her life, but the lives of seven other innocent women two of whom would die before he 
would take his own life. She like many abuse victims lives their life in fear. Fear based on threats of violence against her or people she loves. We have a tendency to protect the abuser for two reasons fear and love. We all ways hope that he is capable of change. People do change, right?
How does this happen one might wonder? This happens when a 90 min standoff takes place with the police where the suspect is thought to have a shotgun and instead of filing criminal charges he is charged with misdemeanor disorderly conduct and domestic abuse and allowed to go home, a week later after she and a police officer failed to show up in court to indentify her husband the charge was dismissed. Many times this is the result no accountability for the abuser for their actions. On another occasion the police were dispatched and saw bruises which were clear and apparent on her face she denied he was the cause of such. He wasn’t there and no arrest took place, go figure. Parole violators have been tracked down for less! Women will down play the abuse to keep it secret from family, friends and coworkers. They feel a need to protect him out of fear of what might happen should he actually go to jail for such offenses. Wouldn’t you be safer with him off the streets?
Finally enough would be enough and she would be granted a restraining order. She would tell the police in her restraining order request that he said he would kill her if she ever left him or went to the police. Fear the ties that bind. Not knowing if he will go as far to make good on his threat. I know for me it was enough to keep me.
She had done all the things the system said she should. The restraining order was in place. An injunction forbidding him the right to carry or own any firearms was issued. Yet, she still was not safe.
Today families mourn the loss of their love ones due to the senseless act of violence someone woke up without a mother, a sister, a daughter or a wife. Domestic violence is real and the numbers are staggering. Every 9 seconds somewhere in the U.S a woman is abused, and1 in 3 will experience some form of abuse in her lifetime. Domestic violence is the number one cause of injury to women. Stop the violence! Love, Respect and Protect the Black Woman.
This article is dedicated to those who have lost lives to domestic violence.
Staff Writer; Camilla Denise Barton
Feel free to connect with this talented writer via Twitter; 1Passion8Diva.
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Camilla:
Keep doing what you’re doing sister.
There are a lot of sick, over emotional-acting, de-masculinized men out there who think its cool to stalk females and maim them. There’s nothing masucline about that mess.
I had a former employee of mines who’s doing time right now for slitting his girlfriend’s throat because he saw sexually suggestive text messages on her cell phone. http://www.henryherald.com/news/2010/dec/08/defendant-defies-advice-testifies-at-trial/ You might as well say they both died that day.
Not the business. Keep bringing awareness.
RIP Kinaya Bird
Sorry, I accidentally hit the submit button before I finished my comment.
As Ms. Barton’s article states many woman seek protection from the legal system to no avail.
A restraining or protective order does not deflect bullets nor is it a shield against a butcher knife or a fire retardant suit. Court order don’t stand guard while you sleep.
Court orders only help if the person is willing to abide by the limitation set forth in the order because once that person violates the court order it is too late.
In my opinion legislators do not take domestic violence seriously. If they did it would be included in the penal code like assault, battery, murder and mayhem.
It is 2012 and woman are still treated like chattel. The courts have discretion on whether to charge an abuser with a felony or a misdemeanor with the latter being the most common charge. Therefore, most abusers serve one year or less in jail.
However, Michael Vick served 19 months in a federal prison for dog fighting. In other words it is a felony to harm a dog but a misdemeanor to beat a woman damn near to death.
Is the law telling females that they are worth less than dogs????
I would like to thank you Ms. Barton for this article. I am an attorney and worked in the family court in Arlington, Virginia so I can verify in my professional capacity that the legal system is pretty much broken when it comes to protecting abused women.
The system is so broken that many woman lose hope and their spirit become broken. Police respond to the scene of abuse and many times suggest that the couple work it out and tell the abuser to take a walk to cool down.
The primary problem is that domestic violence is not included in the criminal code. If a man broke the nose of a stranger he would be charge with aggravated assualt with a possible 1 year in jail.