Tuesday, March 28, 2017


When Love Kills.

October 24, 2012 by  
Filed under News, Opinion, Relationships, Sista Talk, Weekly Columns

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(ThyBlackMan.com) Last week, I shared my story of abuse in “When Love Hurts” however it doesn’t stop there.  What happens when the woman has done everything within the legal frames of the law to secure the safety of not only herself but her children as well? What happens when the legal system fails?

Originally I wanted to share my story because this is National Domestic Awareness Month. I wanted to share, in hopes that someone who may be experiencing the same thing would gain the courage to walk away with their life. I was one of the lucky ones I lived to tell my tale which is why I share it with women like myself, because there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Zina Haughton would not be as lucky as I. It would cost not only her life, but the lives of seven other innocent women two of whom would die before he  would take his own life. She like many abuse victims lives their life in fear. Fear based on threats of violence against her or people she loves.  We have a tendency to protect the abuser for two reasons fear and love. We all ways hope that he is capable of change. People do change, right?

How does this happen one might wonder? This happens when a 90 min standoff takes place with the police where the suspect is thought to have a shotgun and instead of filing criminal charges he is charged with misdemeanor disorderly conduct and domestic abuse and allowed to go home, a week later after she and a police officer failed to show up in court to indentify her husband the charge was dismissed. Many times this is the result no accountability for the abuser for their actions. On another occasion the police were dispatched and saw bruises which were clear and apparent on her face she denied he was the cause of such. He wasn’t there and no arrest took place, go figure.  Parole violators have been tracked down for less!  Women will down play the abuse to keep it secret from family, friends and coworkers. They feel a need to protect him out of fear of what might happen should he actually go to jail for such offenses. Wouldn’t you be safer with him off the streets?

Finally enough would be enough and she would be granted a restraining order. She would tell the police in her restraining order request that he said he would kill her if she ever left him or went to the police. Fear the ties that bind. Not knowing if he will go as far to make good on his threat. I know for me it was enough to keep me.

She had done all the things the system said she should. The restraining order was in place. An injunction forbidding him the right to carry or own any firearms was issued. Yet, she still was not safe.

Today families mourn the loss of their love ones due to the senseless act of violence someone woke up without a mother, a sister, a daughter or a wife. Domestic violence is real and the numbers are staggering. Every 9 seconds somewhere in the U.S a woman is abused, and1 in 3 will experience some form of abuse in her lifetime. Domestic violence is the number one cause of injury to women. Stop the violence!  Love, Respect and Protect the Black Woman.

This article is dedicated to those who have lost lives to domestic violence.

Staff Writer; Camilla Denise Barton

Feel free to connect with this talented writer via Twitter; 1Passion8Diva.

 


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Comments

5 Responses to “When Love Kills.”
  1. toomanygrandkids says:

    pain as he could. He wanted to punish her for not being with him. He wanted to punish her for not accepting his abuse. It wouldn’t surprise in the least that these types of dudes were raised to think that beating on a woman was considered love since it’s what they claim when begging her to take him back. Over and over, they will apologize, will claim that it’ll never happen again, and that they love them so much. THIS ISN’T LOVE! NOT AT ALL!

  2. toomanygrandkids says:

    Love does not kill. People kill. That’s been my belief. Men and women are killed by those who they thought loved them. I remember reading about a woman who had to obtain a restraining order on her estranged husband. He refused to obey the rules of the order. Staying away from his ex-wife was something this abuser couldn’t comprehend doing. He was so desperate to see that he signed a complaint on her just to get a look at her in court. Of course, the charges were dropped because she hadn’t done anything to him. What she was doing was ignoring him, moving on without him. Abusers are narcissistic. They are void of compassion, love, and understanding because they believe that they can abuse others just for the hell of it. This dude was visiting some friends in the town where I live. He was getting high and the more he got high, the more he became angry at his ex. So he wanted to pay her a visit. For some reason, a female who he was getting high with him decided to ride with him. But along the way she (thankfully) came to her senses and got out of the vehicle. He arrived at his ex’s home, found a ladder, and climbed into her bedroom. It was on the second floor. She woke up to him punching her in the face and neck. She retrieved the gun she had under the pillow and shot him dead. No charges were filed against her. Come to find out, she’d taken out numerous restraining orders out on him. Both of them had appeared before the judge whenever he violated the protection order. There was so much proof that his actions went beyond harassment. Even men who knew him said that “he was known to whoop up on a woman.” His ex-wife chose to take matters into her own hands. It’s true that a piece of paper didn’t/couldn’t prevent him from climbing into her bedroom window. While he was punching her, he didn’t give a damn that she’d obtained orders of protection against him nor that they had appeared in court numerous times. This abuser wanted to inflict as much

  3. Mack says:

    Camilla:

    Keep doing what you’re doing sister.

    There are a lot of sick, over emotional-acting, de-masculinized men out there who think its cool to stalk females and maim them. There’s nothing masucline about that mess.

    I had a former employee of mines who’s doing time right now for slitting his girlfriend’s throat because he saw sexually suggestive text messages on her cell phone. http://www.henryherald.com/news/2010/dec/08/defendant-defies-advice-testifies-at-trial/ You might as well say they both died that day.

    Not the business. Keep bringing awareness.

    RIP Kinaya Bird

  4. Janet says:

    Sorry, I accidentally hit the submit button before I finished my comment.

    As Ms. Barton’s article states many woman seek protection from the legal system to no avail.

    A restraining or protective order does not deflect bullets nor is it a shield against a butcher knife or a fire retardant suit. Court order don’t stand guard while you sleep.

    Court orders only help if the person is willing to abide by the limitation set forth in the order because once that person violates the court order it is too late.

    In my opinion legislators do not take domestic violence seriously. If they did it would be included in the penal code like assault, battery, murder and mayhem.

    It is 2012 and woman are still treated like chattel. The courts have discretion on whether to charge an abuser with a felony or a misdemeanor with the latter being the most common charge. Therefore, most abusers serve one year or less in jail.

    However, Michael Vick served 19 months in a federal prison for dog fighting. In other words it is a felony to harm a dog but a misdemeanor to beat a woman damn near to death.

    Is the law telling females that they are worth less than dogs????

  5. Janet says:

    I would like to thank you Ms. Barton for this article. I am an attorney and worked in the family court in Arlington, Virginia so I can verify in my professional capacity that the legal system is pretty much broken when it comes to protecting abused women.

    The system is so broken that many woman lose hope and their spirit become broken. Police respond to the scene of abuse and many times suggest that the couple work it out and tell the abuser to take a walk to cool down.

    The primary problem is that domestic violence is not included in the criminal code. If a man broke the nose of a stranger he would be charge with aggravated assualt with a possible 1 year in jail.

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