Friday, March 29, 2024

Rant Against The Extra-Average Black Woman.

September 26, 2012 by  
Filed under News, Opinion, Relationships, Weekly Columns

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(ThyBlackMan.com) OK, I need to rant for a minute. I just need to get this off my chest.

Sisters, I love you. God knows I do. But sometimes love includes criticism.

Personal pet peeve of mines: I’m tired of these extra-average, baggage-laden sisters complaining about the supposed lack of good black men. If I hear that old tired line ONE more time, I swear…

First off: sisters need to come back down to earth and lose that haughty spirit they carry. What about you is so special that good black men should even want to get at you? What things do you bring to the table that will enhance his life by him getting with you?

Sisters who are usually asked this question never can give a clear answer other than the usual: “well he’s getting a down female who’ll have his back.”

Really? You can’t even stand by black men and have our backs in the public eye. How do we know you’ll honor him if you do manage to catch one?

And stop thinking that you are above criticism. You’re not.

For many years I watched black women dog out the brothers in every possible public forum known to man. They did it in songs, on radio shows, in TV interviews on ABC, CNN and even on Russian TV, in the movies, in the streets.  Hell, they even dog us out at church! So guess what? Now it’s YOUR time under the spotlight of examination. Let’s really get at the root to why so many of you supposed ‘good’ sisters are without a mate.

Most of you don’t have a good black man yet because you’re not worthy of one. There, I said it. Hate me if you want, I really don’t give a damn, because this needs to be said.

What makes you worthy of a ‘good’ man? Because you have a nice butt… a sexy body…? Or is it because you were born a diva? What qualities as a woman do you possess that men should find valuable enough to entice them to marry you? I’m really curious!

Many of you are uncle Toms and sellouts, quick to go in front of white folks and throw brothers under the bus. You’ll air your dirty laundry in front of the whole world, just to gain support in your hatred and disdain for black men. Which really is just a disdain for yourselves.

You’re not even aware of how sick this makes you look in the eyes of women of other races and nationalities. For example, I talk to sisters from Africa and the Caribbean all the time. And guess what? These women think you are highly disloyal, impossible to get along with and greatly deluded. They totally don’t understand your way of thinking.

You’re quick to throw in our faces how successful you are, when most of you work average jobs just like we do. There’s nothing extra special about working an average job in an average industry. From the way many of you make it sound, one would think you worked as CEO’s of billion dollar companies or something!

Stop thinking you are above the average black man when you’re not.You work ordinary jobs, just like we do; pay taxes just like we do; pay bills just like we do. At best you’re equal. Nothing less. Nothing more.

You’re quick to mention how independent you are, as if being independent is some badge of honor to wear. Maybe for an emancipated teenager it is. But it spells nothing but trouble for a brother who’s in the know. Because relationships are a team sport. And nobody wants a ball-hogging player on their team always trying to steal the spotlight.

Ever heard this one before: I can do bad all by myself. Really? And why would you want to?! How silly is that line of reasoning? If two people were trapped in a ditch together, wouldn’t it be easier to get out if the two worked together, than if one person was trying to get out on their own?

Statements like this just helps to point out the nonsensical views many sisters have about relationships.

Maybe the reason you can’t find a good black man is because you’re so used to dating down.

Perhaps if sisters were to stop dating the lowest common denominator type of brothers, they could actually position themselves to meet the decent ones.

Now there’s a thought!

Hasn’t anyone ever told you that in relationships you attract what you are. So if you’re not attracting good brothers, what does that really say about you?

And don’t give me nothing about how educated you are. Because there’s plenty of highly educated brothers that most of y’all just ain’t checking for. In many of your eyes they’re either too soft, or too corny, or not man enough to handle you. Don’t you know that the only things in life that get ‘handled’ are usually problems?

Why is it that all these educated brothers keep slipping under your radar? Because a well put together brother who’s on his game will require you to step your game up to his level. And when it comes to relationships, many of you ladies are just plain lazy and comfortable with dealing with ratchet brothers. Real good brothers intimidate you.

Trust me when I say: if you were such a hot item, even dudes from other races would be snatching you off the market faster than you could blink. Because that’s exactly what happens to the sisters who are on top of their game in every way: body, mind, career and spirit. They get snatched and wifed up quick.

But aha! Other races of men aren’t really getting at you like that either. Why is this? After all: by your own admission you’re ‘successful’ and ‘beautiful’ and soooo independent. Either the world is blind to your value and worth or maybe, just maybe, you’re not actually the hot catch you imagine yourself to be…

Funny thing though: the ‘successful’ black men (who are successful according to your low standard of success) aren’t having this problem. When you don’t recognize them quick enough, women of other races move in swiftly to take a good brother off the market. While you’re wasting precious time and years fooling with Tyrone from the block, Marquez from IBM just got married to an Asian chick. A fine one too.

And I’m in no way advocating that black men should date outside their race or avoid sisters altogether. Its up to each person to decide individually who they want to date and interact with. But I am advocating putting some of these sisters out there on time out for a while until they get their minds right.From the experience of me and my circle of homeys, it’s not that there aren’t enough good brothers to go around: the reality is there’s not a lot of good sisters to go around for the good brothers! Numerical wise there are more black women than black men. But the pickings are very slim by the time you subtract the number of sisters who are: carrying relationship baggage, those who hate their fathers and project it onto the next guy, those who occasionally ‘lick the clit’ or who are juggling multiple dingalings, those who are too ghetto for even the hood to deal with, those who are too religious for even Jesus to deal with, those who are outright unsightly or morbidly obese, and those already in committed relationships…It’s time sisters turned off the TV set, put down those ghetto love books, and did some serious self-reflection. Step your damn game up! Or ten years from now, when someone refers to a lonely old cat-lady, the image they have in mind might be you…

Staff Writer; Mack Major ||

One may connect with this talented writer also through Twitter; NewUrbanView and Facebook; FlipTheGame.

 


Comments

233 Responses to “Rant Against The Extra-Average Black Woman.”
  1. Mack says:

    @ Soul Sister: You obviously did not read my article; you read through it. Meaning you picked over and chose what to focus on rather than reading it objectively with no prejudgments. If you had read it you would’ve seen this right at the beginning:

    ” I’m tired of these extra-average, baggage-laden sisters complaining about the supposed lack of good black men.”

    If you’re NOT an extra-average, baggage-laden sister who complains about the lack of good black men, then obviously I’m not talking to you. That’s simple enough, right? You seem to think all sisters think this way; I don’t. I chose my words carefully.

    I haven’t demeaned your opinions, not even the one about me being narcissistic. I’ve been called worst, especially since choosing to address these issues publicly. But name calling will get you no where sister. What happened to ‘peace’? Soon as you misinterpreted something I said, you immediately resorted to name calling. Typical but not surprising. Its actually quite ‘extra-average’.

    We could go back and forth, but its irrelevant. My opinions have been stated and I ain’t changing it. It is what it is. Those who get it, will. Those who don’t can go join the lonely cat-woman’s club. I’m simply trying to enlighten obviously darkened minds.

    Enjoy your day.

  2. Savvy says:

    One word-pitiful. This entire blog article is just plain tired and pitiful. Aren’t you tired already of trying to tell someone else what’s wrong with them? That goes for everyone. Everyone, plain, simple, “avg” “extraordinary” and otherwise, deserves great love, partner, life and quite simply…the best! But it all starts with what YOU do as just ONE person, right NOW, and in THIS MOMENT. Just give up on criticism of any and everyone, and that includes yourself. Start today, on a path that begins with YOUR mirror and be the change YOU want in this world. It really works!

  3. Mack says:

    @ Melanie, Melanie, Melanie…*sigh*

    Is it arrogant of the preacher to think he has the right to critique you by a holier standard than your own? Was it arrogant of Dr. King to assume he had the right to challenge white America’s oppressive system, and expect them to change? And how arrogant was it of Barack Obama to think he, being a black man, could suddenly become President of the United States?

    Arrogance my dear, creates change. So apparently I’m in good company. I’ll take that compliment any day of the week.

    My credentials come from dealing with females JUST like you for the better half of my life: hard-headed, thinking they are above reproach, bewitched by the spell of black female superiority over anything black and masculine. I’ve been exorcising demons like yours for some time now. Hence why I don’t hesitate to engage you in conversation.

    ” And when you start your article by calling some of us extra average…” Now we’re getting to the meat of the matter! Apparently you felt a sting from being called ‘extra-average’. Which also means you found yourself somewhere within my article staring back at yourself as you read along. Great! This is what I hoped would happen! I quote for you these words by the German philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer:

    “All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.”

    Judging from your comment, I’d say you’re somewhere between stages 1 and 2. I pray stage 3 is just around the corner for you. If not, then may you live long and die old, lonely no doubt, surrounded by plenty of cats to keep you comfort. Because no man in his right mind will deal with a mindset like yours for long.

  4. Lauryn Doll says:

    I think there’s just way too much finger pointing and blame throwing on both sides of the fence for both Black men and Black women.

    Yes, there’s issues in how we see ourselves due to attempts to Americanize our standards of beauty, etc. – but regardless, there are “good” and “bad” and straight “piss poor” Black men and women in relationships.

    Genital / Gender status aside – If you’re not getting what you want, or you keep repeating certain things, you need to sit down and take a good hard look at what you’re aiming for, what you’re bringing to the table that attracts that and soul search to figure out how to shift your alignment so you move in the direction you’re going in.

    I posted something like this on Facebook for the men and got a bunch of women liking this status. The minute I reversed it, then the men liked it, and the women were silent or defensive.

    Bottom line – If “people” ain’t sh*t, then what does that make you? Because if all you see is negativity, and that’s all there is, then you’ve sorely defined yourself as such too.

    Nice read.

  5. TxSoulNorthernState says:

    Also my sanity is wonderfully intact.. Your attempt to demean my opinion speaks to your narcissism and inability to handle criticism yourself My brother. Peace

  6. Ms. Too says:

    Mans inhumanity to man is a human problem not a Black problem! Grow up! Boy Bye!

  7. TxSoulNorthernState says:

    Well considering your article was aimed towards ‘sisters’ and used words like sisters/black women/and brothers gave me the general idea this was a ‘black’ issue addressed to the black community. Secondly.. how have I attempted to nullify your argument when I began my statement with ‘i can agree…’? Like I said I dont agree with the manner in which you stated your opinion… and just as you have your opinion as the author.. I have mine as a reader. Since I dont fit any of your proposed stereotypes I feel no anger.. only disappointment that my ‘Brother’ didn’t take a higher road in this article.. which again.. reads no different than those generalized women bashing books/shows/ and general attitudes of the sisters you speak of. Peace

  8. tee says:

    You know what? A hit dog will holler. I am not offended because this does not apply to me. You have every right to rant about how you feel, just remember that if you run across something from a black woman generalizing black men like you just did to black women she has the same right to her opinion as do you.

  9. Mack says:

    Thank you Soul Sister for your comment. I have a question for you though: where did I state in my article that these things were only confined to the black community? Naturally I’ve addressed my article to the sisters, seeing that we are on a site called thy BLACK man. But my article, as stated before is written to address those ‘sisters’ who are average. Extra average to be more precise. And who think their average-ness puts them socially above the majority of black men.

    As for you calling me bitter…which is nothing more than an objector’s lame attempt to nullify someone’s argument… though I am not, just for the sake of argument, wouldn’t I have every right to be? If you were in my shoes, attempting to wake up the dead, perhaps you would earn the right to be what you so easily label as…bitter.

    Its not bitterness Love. Its actually a sound wake up call for those who have ears to hear. Think of me as that little voice deep within your subconscious, attempting to reason with what’s left of your sanity, calling you to come back home. Come on home sister…

  10. Ari says:

    I am Black woman – My business partner (another Black woman) and I agree with this article! Thanks for the lunch time entertainment.

  11. TxSoulNorthernState says:

    While I can agree with some speaking points in this article.. I feel the author is no better than the Brother Bashing women of the world you so easily (and publicly) criticized..I’ve met many Island women as well and some of their attitudes are just as bad if not worse.. Ignorance comes in all colors.. As A black woman who married (now divorcing) outside of her race.. I can say I’ve felt the same way about Black men. Not saying that other races are any better because as I noted earlier I am divorcing… But i would never be so ignorant to state that these issues are confined to Sistas or Brothers.. because the world of courtship/dating/marriage has changed, regardless of race. All of that being said.. Brother Author: You are the one who sounds a tad bitter.. Peace and Blessings.. -Soul Sister

  12. Melanie says:

    Extra average black woman? This article has to be a late April fool’s day joke. Believing that any black woman should take ” criticism’ from you is arrogant. Who are you and what are your credentials? What have you done for black woman? When have you improved our circumstances? Have you increased our pay, or implemented new educational standards, or did research about our health issues?

    And fortunately black women are intelligent, so we can tell the difference between constructive criticism and bashing. And when you start your article by calling some of us extra average……there is no where on this planet, where this is constructive. And no woman on this planet is “extra average.” Those women that you call “extra average” deserve a good man because they believe they do. It doesn’t matter what you think. We want woman to have self esteem, and when they do have it, some ignorant writer tries to tear them down.

    And who cares about how we look in the eyes of other women. Are you on some new kind of crack? If you let other people validate you, that’s your issue. But don’t try to push that foolishness on us. This article stinks, it’s not constructive criticism…just some bitter man trying to push his agenda. You Fail!!!!

  13. Mack says:

    @ Sankofa: bruh, you nailed it to the floor in just one swing… Just goes to prove my point: that ‘extra-average’ sisters cannot handle criticism; not even if it could help them. Hence why they stay losing in the dating game.

    @ Serafina: Didn’t generalize anything, except the extra-average sisters my article speaks to. The sisters who are out there conducting themselves like conscious, intelligent ladies feel no need to respond to the article. They know it doesn’t speak to them. Just the extra-average ones do…

    @ Lisa: “All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.”
    (Arthur Schopenhauer) And don’t get it twisted: even with my hat turned sideways, I’m still too fly to fvck with an extra-average sister! 😉

    @ Jay Bee: Send me an photo, better yet a video of you talking about the subject matter in this article, and prove to me you’re not a black chick. I’ll put up money if you prove me wrong! And for the record: dating somebody white doesn’t make you white…

    macmajii@gmail.com

  14. Liz says:

    “there are some good black women out there but they don’t remain single for long”

    You’re kidding right? You’re actually suggesting that once a woman is single, she is defective in some way and is “chasing” you to finding women of other races. Never mind that there are defective women of other races too.

    Okay, sweetheart with your silly sideways cap which screams “I’m a catch”. The problem in the black community is black men REFUSING to get married and have children with one woman! Period.

    Men either migrate their wealth outside the community by marrying out, or they have children in several households that they can’t adequately take care of no matter how wealthy they are. Even if they have enough money, they can’t have enough time and time matters in raising healthy children who grow up to be men and women who have their act together. When these men die, their children can’t build on what they’ve left behind because the kids don’t really know each other and if there’s anything to inherit, it’s split among the kids and everyone starts from scratch again.

    Contrast that with the chinese and Jews and pretty much every other group who marry their own and work on building wealth from generation to generation.

    It is the men who do this, not the women although I think they should refuse to have those illegitimate babies.

    Take off the silly cap, stop courting ten women at once, go to college, get a job outside of music and sports, get married, have kids with only one woman and stop using words like ain’t.

    Black America is annoying and everytime I visit the US, I am scared of you all. You look and act scary. And now you talk each other down all the time. They have divided and conquered you. The anwer isnt the system or anything else. You have no idea how lucky you are to be in one of the greatest countries in gthe world. Take advantage of the opportunities and stick together so bills are cheaper and you can support each other. get off the damn basketball court and take the big gold chain from around your neck. Stop defending Chris Brown. Geez. Get some self awareness.

  15. sankofa says:

    @Mack…don’t you know when you turn on the lights (of knowledge) the bitch ass cock roaches start scrambling and scurrying all over the floor? It seems like Jay Bee is the biggest bitch ass of the lot. It’s amazing how some don’t exercise their right to shut the fuck up and move on instead of parking their asses to argue. But then that’s what fuels them.

  16. Serafina says:

    Hmmmmm….generalizing an entire race of women….why do we keep doing that, I find that we all seem hellbent on perpetuation stereotypes, keeping people within boxes and keeping ourselves behind. SMH

  17. Jay Bee says:

    I don’t know where you received your credentials as a journalist or a deep thinker, but I do know now that you fall short. At first, I thought you might just be playing the part of a “provocateur”, but I think you actually believe what you spew.

    So you can “roll with Dr. King… but Gandhi was a bigot…” If you actually studied the life of and talked to people who knew Dr. King, the same could be said of him, and maybe “you wouldn’t be so quick to big-up him”, the way you do.

    These men, and I suspect you, although I suspect your ego would not be able to handle it, wouldn’t want to be judged on any one thing but rather the aggregate of their entire lives.

    “Amazing how you can look up big words to try and impress people, but couldn’t look up something as simple as that.” First of all “that” is more complex than you can apparently handle. “That” is only a part of the truth, not only for these two thinkers but for all mankind.

    You perpetuate the whoa-is-me syndrome to the point of narcissism. Another big word! BTW, why are you so insecure? Does anyone with an education, either formal or self-taught scare you? Why do you cow around anyone who might possess a skill set greater than your own? Why does a sesquipedalian unnerve you so much? You might want to look into that, Mack. I can hear the snickering in your office behind your back as your mates read this. I’ll try to keep it dumbed down so you feel adequate; how does that make you feel, Mack? Pretty special, eh? I bet.

    “Let me help you with something real fast: READ! That’s it, plain and simple. Don’t regurgitate, but actually take the time out to get a broader understanding. It may even expand your mind, who knows. If thats (should be “that’s” Mack)even possible.” DITTO

    “I know you secretly despise black folks, but we are far more intelligent than you may think. Hence why myself and others knew you were a black female all along.” You’re an idiot.

    “as for allelomimetic behavior, a term you seem to relish in using: we are humans babe. Not dogs or wolves.” Use a better dictionary—or better still, broaden your thought process. Try thinking outside the box!

    “But obviously anyone who would deign to tell black folks what they should or shouldn’t read would expect us to respond allelomimetically to such a suggestion. SMH…” Mack, even if you keep saying that sentence over and over, and over again, it wouldn’t be true… but keep trying.

    What I can’t figure out is why, in this day and age, you hold onto old truths; is it so hard to break out of the underdog mentality? Maybe if I were black I could understand, but what does whitey know, especially me. But then again my people came from Italy in the late 19th-century. Oh, and yeah, my people were strung up right next to your people, or maybe you didn’t know that either, Mack. How dare you cop and attitude.

  18. Mack says:

    @ Jay Bee:

    Your ignorance has truly shown itself this day. I can roll with Dr. King all day. But Gandhi was a known bigot himself. If you actually read his writings and what he really thought about black folks, you wouldn’t be so quick to big-up him the way you did. SMH! Amazing how you can look up big words to try and impress people, but couldn’t look up something as simple as that.

    Let me help you with something real fast: READ! That’s it, plain and simple. Don’t regurgitate, but actually take the time out to get a broader understanding. It may even expand your mind, who knows. If thats even possible.

    As for telling people what they should and should not read: thats very dictatorial of you. Not to mention, you presume that my readers aren’t capable of determining what’s best for them or not. I know you secretly despise black folks, but we are far more intelligent than you may think. Hence why myself and others knew you were a black female all along. 😉

    Finally, as for allelomimetic behavior, a term you seem to relish in using: we are humans babe. Not dogs or wolves. But obviously anyone who would deign to tell black folks what they should or shouldn’t read would expect us to respond allelomimetically to such a suggestion. SMH…

  19. Jay Bee says:

    Oh, and the chip on your shoulder is as deep as hell; watch you don’t slip.

    And to the people who read this; whether I’m black or white, male or female… DO NOT LISTEN TO Macks BIGOTED RHETORIC… Mack is an equal opportunity bigot; toward black woman, and whites. He is dishonest. Remember only one thing: Peace and Love… Long live the spirits like Gandhi and Martin Luther King.

    Have a nice life, Mack.

  20. Jay Bee says:

    OK, you win… I’m a black chick who doesn’t know my ass from my elbow. Anyone who listens to your crap does need help; no matter where it comes from.

    Your so smart, eh? allelomimetic behavior? Figure it out for yourself, dude.

    You don’t want a dialogue, all you want to do is bloviate, hear yourself as you spew crap. You’re not even smart enough to figure it out… in fact, you’re the village idiot.

    Thanks for the fun!

  21. Mack says:

    @ Jay Bee: using words like ‘colored’ only goes to show just how far out of touch with reality you are. FYI: people of color don’t go by terms such as ‘colored’ any more. That mess ceased back in the 70’s. Another clue to your true intentions. And considering that you still use terms such as colored, I doubt seriously if you have as many ‘colored’ friends as you pretend.

    It’s not pompous to think we don’t need anyone white to speak for us. It’s the truth. Maybe you’re the type who think black folks need rescuing by white folks. But those of us in ‘the know’ know better. Let me say it again for you in case it didn’t register: WE ARE MORE THAN CAPABLE OF ADDRESSING OUR OWN ISSUES. Why don’t you go and resolve some of the issues white folks have with a black President before you attempt to handle ‘our’ issues. If you’re even white, which I seriously doubt.

    And question for you: what exactly is the allelomimetic behavior you refer to? We can throw big words around all day. But that still doesn’t negate the ism dropped in my rant, nor the responses from both males and females in agreement.

    As for chauvinistic, here’s whats chauvinistic: brown-nosing women, kissing women’s asses, refusing to tell them the truth they need to hear, being willing to place all the blame all the time on black men for the failures in black on black relationships… all in the hopes of winning brownie points with the ladies. Real women appreciate the truth, as evidenced by the scores of private emails I receive every week from sisters who appreciate me for dropping the truth. Dudes like you, if you’re even a dude, which I doubt, burn out quickly. Because you’re as fake as the sisters addressed in my rant.

    Chew on that as I eagerly await your response…

  22. Jay Bee says:

    Back at you Mack. At first I though you were prodding responses with your rhetoric, but I see you are not; You actually believe what you say.

    No you’re not prophetic you’re more pathetic. I am white; I am male. I grew up in NYC. I might even have more colored folk as friends than you.

    Back then, Irish couldn’t date Italian and Jews and Chinese couldn’t date anyone other than their own. Sound familiar? BTW, the advertising on your site, the one for interracial dating and the mature singles only (showing a white model) fly in the face of your reasoning.

    You say, “lose the white daddy syndrome”, I say lose the whiny “poor me” syndrome. This white person isn’t speaking for anyone but me. And your pompous assertion that “We are more than capable of addressing our own issues”, well, if that were the case by your column you’re not doing a very good job.

    Everyone can use help or another POV at some point in their life/thinking. And it doesn’t have to come from one’s own culture to be valid.

    “There is plenty of constructiveness in my rant” you say. Not so. Opening the dialogue is the easy part. As I read through the responses, “your own” make the most valid points about the deficiencies in your culture, not you. And maybe that’s what you intended, so be a gentleman and stop patting yourself on the back.

    “I know this doesn’t apply to all black women. There are some really good ones out there.” WHAT?? Thanks for not insulting all black women and saying there are SOME really good ones¡ ARE YOU KIDDING? Your chauvinist is showing.

    The problems you face, issues you raise belong to all in greater or lesser degrees. But to degrade anyone is not the path. Not constructive. Next column maybe address some of the pertinent social issues raised by your readers.

    So no sir, you’re not vatic—what did you predict? And you haven’t said anything shrewd. I’ll take the high road and think your intentions were honorable; But in my opinion your delivery needs improvement.

    Black, white, men, women, we all need to lose the allelomimetic behavior of our negative ways.

    And yes, you are myopic… SMH, Nice try.

  23. Mack says:

    @Jay Bee

    You find this very offensive to “MY” sisters, huh? SMH Nice try. You black feminists never cease to amaze me! Always pretending to be some white guy, thinking that if you can get a white guy to speak for you, it will validate your arguments. Don’t you know that just further validates how lost you really are?

    Lose the white daddy syndrome. We don’t need white folks to speak for us. We are more than capable of addressing our own issues. SMH

    BTW: I think I’m more perspicacious and vatic than myopic.

  24. Jay Bee says:

    Whoa their prancing pony; I’m white and I find this very offensive to your sisters. I have white male friends who have AA girlfriends and vice versa. Just like it’s not who you know but who you are that makes one special, same with partnerships. Actually, your bigotry is showing…. for shame… btw, to think only AA’s read thyblackman shows how myopic you are!

  25. Mack says:

    @ Star:

    Nobody’s at work ‘bashing black women’. It amazes me to no end how people put a spin on challenging black women to step their game up! A challenge is now bashing. SMH But this is a ‘go along to get along’ generation. So it shouldn’t be that surprising.

    I’m going to address your questions and some others in my next upcoming article. It would be too long to post here as a response. So stay tuned.

  26. AD says:

    I would have to agree with you Mack. You get out what you put in. If you act like a diva, you are going to get a lying cheating man that disresepcts you. Not too mention if you get a good one, your terrible selfish obnoxious attitude will drive him to a better woman. If you act like you have sense and are worthy of the best, the best man will snatch you up. A man will do whatever it takes, including becoming a better man to get you and keep you. He will treat you like a queen because you DESERVE to be. Sorry ladies, stop making excuses for what is true. You think there are less good men because frankly you are not looking in the right places. Check yourselves first and you will find how many good men are out there looking for a good woman. And women, it is your job, if you don’t have a good man in your life, to ensure that your children are the change you wish to see in your community and your world.

  27. Star says:

    As much as I disagree with this article, being that I live in Long Island, and I’m surround by more educated and professionalblack women than men. I feel you article is subject to geographic areas and the type of people you surround yourself by, regardless of what your two co-workers may believe. I attended a HBCU, than a masters in New York and what I learned my first week on campus at both is that there are 2 different types of black American people. Plain and simple. Maybe it may be true that due to the histories that both black American have family wise it is much harder for us to both respect and love each other, but in the generation we grew up in, it’s ok for black me to treat their girlsfriends or baby momma’s with disrespect. And they expect so much more. Takes forever for a black man to comment of propose and they have a damn hard time committing to any type of formal education, for every black man I know, I know 10 who want to be rappers or drug dealers until they make up. I had the pleasure of going to school so I was able to gain a network of very powerful and successful black men, however like u said the ratio to black men and woman with successful careers just doesnt add up. Here is a question for you. Did you go into the percentage of black women who invest time and energy into the black men they are with and then leave them, or why is it that black women have to put in sooo much work?

    Maybe we are better off in interracial relationships.

    You went on a rant, fine. But how is this any different from the self hatred and degrading that you claim black women do to men, when you and your boys are at work bashing us? How many of them have taken the time to invent and work in a relationship with black women? It’s a work and progress.

    The minute I read this article I thought of another article different point of view. http://www.clutchmagonline.com/2012/10/be-honest-do-you-really-like-black-men/

  28. edmond says:

    the real problem is that most black women EXPECT you to give them more respect then they are willing to give in return.

    YOU ARE NOT A QUENN…
    YOU ARE AN AVERAGE WOMEN
    YOU NEED TO EARN LOVE
    STOP EXPECTING IT TO BE GIVEN TO YOU….

  29. Mack says:

    I appreciate the good luck homie. Thanks. But I’m still a bit confused on where you’re coming from. One, I’m not looking for support. Don’t really need any on this matter, as the facts are mad evident all around us.

    Two, what mindset do I have that needs to be ‘overcome’? A critical mind? A mind that sees things as they are, not only as they should be?

    Three, where have I stated or even hinted at there not being any good black women? Sounds like you’re doing a little emotional rambling right now bruh. I’ve stated ad nauseum that there are some good sisters out there. But right now, they ain’t the ones on front street leading the next generation of sisters: the ones with the jacked up mentality are. Hence why I chose to directly address and challenge them in my rant. If the sisters you deal with don’t fit the bill, cool. I don’t entertain them either! but for those that do…

    Apparently we’re not going to be on agreement on this topic, as you seem to suggest that we need to turn blind eyes to the problems in our community as opposed to addressing them openly and honestly. So good luck to you too bruh. Something tells me you’re going to need it. In a couple of years maybe, you’ll be revisiting this post. Maybe by then you’ll be more receptive to the obvious truth.

    Peace

  30. tarak says:

    I typed another long message, but deleted it. I don’t believe that your looking for opposition, your looking for support. I’ve presented my case and explained that there is a way to overcome that mindset that you have, I’ve showed you a different perspective, as well as given answers to a problem. A lot of the solutions, deal with the self, and for many, that’s a red zone. All I can do now is leave you to do as you please with the information, and keep it moving. If you choose to go through life as a black man, with the mindset that there really is no hope for you to find a good black woman, that’s a burden in life you will have carry. If you think you have to be a push over or whipped, to think that good black women are plentiful, again that’s a burden in life you’ll have to deal with. Good luck bruh in whatever choice you make.

  31. Mack says:

    @ Mitch and Tarak:

    No where in my article did I say this applied to EVERY black woman. If you read it indeed, you’ll see that I clarified that from the jump. Of course we know this doesn’t apply to all sisters. Show me where I stated such? But it does for way too many.

    And we’re not talking about ALL women at the moment. In other races there is more of a balance in the type of women available for dating. Their dating community is not as lopsided in the worst way as ours is. Different topic for a different day. Right now we’re dealing strictly with the sisters, which are my main concern. Trust me: you brothers will have your day…

    Speaking of other races: they’re not checking for the sisters because too many sisters have a terrible way of looking at life and relationships. Period. It has nothing to do with how black beauty is perceived by others. We all know white men can’t keep their d!cks out of sisters; and it’s been that way since slavery all the way up through Jim Crow. And what other race has women as fine as Stacy Dash, Gabrielle Union, Megan Fox…etc? So beauty is not the issue.

    You two are preaching to the choir. One, I’m not bitter at all. Again, that’s very dismissive and a slight sneak-diss to call a man spitting some real conversation ’emotional’, as if your false labels could nullify my words. Not even the case.

    And you’re not being totally honest either. Any black man who has realistically dated sisters knows exactly of what I speak. Trying to play like you’ve only met stars is some pure fraganackel bull. Hell, even my Jamaican and African co-workers shared that they have the same issues dealing with American sisters. Hence why neither deals with them anymore.

    As for airing out things online: how else am I to do it, if not on a site for ‘us’? Am I to go around and knock on individual doors and have this conversation with 30 million people?

    See, brothers like yourselves are what I call ‘enablers’. By being afraid or indifferent about addressing these sisters errant behavior, you enable them to continue on in their self-deception. What’s worst, you turned around and attacked the messenger! SMH…

    If you’re really down for black love and supporting our sisters, then you’ll also be down for constructive criticism when needed. That’s not ‘putting them down.’ It’s actually helping to lift them up! But only the wise will get that.

    Take that cape off and lets keep it all the way ‘real’ with our sisters. Nowhere in my rant did I state ‘all black women ain’t ish.’ You guys are choosing to hear what you want. Somebody has to stand up on behalf of the wayward sisters out there and be willing to tell them they’re headed the wrong way. Am I really just talking out of my ass here?!

    I can take the blowback and irrate comments all day. Doesn’t stop me from being fly, dating a fly chick, and generally enjoying life. Again: I’M TRYING TO HELP MY AMERICAN SISTERS OUT. They’re the ones catching the short end of the stick right now in relationships.

    Now, if you’re a broke, dusty, vagina-worshiping dude with no sense of self-value, you’ll put up with any type of BS behavior from women all day. But a brother who values himself as a man and knows his worth, he won’t tolerate it for one minute. And why should he?

    Those that get it, do. Good for them. Those that choose to continue travelling the wrong way up the relationship highway…they’ll figure out the error in their ways soon enough. But for many of them, by then it will be too late.

  32. Mitch Patterson says:

    This article is lame.

    I’m not saying it’s not true. Of course it’s true. But it’s true about women of all races. And it’s ignoring one truth. The reason brothers aren’t sitting around complaining about a lack of good black women is because there isn’t a lack of good black women. They’re everywhere. You know it and I know it.

    Every single black man I know has at least 3 or 4 women – unless HE chooses not too. The truth is, if you aren’t gay, a criminal, or notoriously ugly, as a black man you will be treated like a star from age 18 to 35 by women of ALL races. That’s the problem. We get so caught up in all the abundance of curvy, beautiful, delicious sistas that sometimes we forget to set goals in life. Or we get a sexy lunatic pregnant, or we become successful and become so full of ourselves that we throw women in the garbage for the smallest infractions. (“Corn on the pinky toe? – DELETE”, “Makes a dollar more an hour than me? – DELETE”,etc,) And you know it’s true.

    Most of us ain’t looking to settle down until we hit our late 30’s. You don’t notice it when you’re young, but as you get older (especially with stuff out like Facebook) you realize that you have left of trail of broken hearts in your life’s journey. All because the sheer multitude of brothers who ain’t sheet got you feeling special for being regular (” I only got 1 baby mama!”, “I work for a living!”). We both guilty of the same thing. Nobody wants to date down , everybody’s trying to date up. We need to date equal. You work at the plant, get a woman who’s a RN. You’re a lawyer, date a doctor. You got 5 baby mamas, date somebody else ratchet. As a whole we need to stop looking down on each other when we’re really in the same boat.

    And be realistic in your expectations. If you know you look like Ceelo Green, why do you think you deserve a so-called dime? And what is a dime? A woman with stunning looks, a bad body, a superstar wardrobe? That’s a bunch of silliness. Get you a woman that makes you laugh when you’re mad, makes you feel strong when you’re ready to give up. Get a woman that can help your daughter with her algebra homework. That understands the meaning of the phrase “You stay down until you come up”.

    Or whatever you like. But the goal should be to find somebody who “gets” you. Look for her, find her and marry her. If you don’t, you’ll still find her. But it will be 7 years after you’ve already married someone else and have kids.

  33. tarak says:

    Finding a decent female has a lot to do with the area a person lives in, and where they choose to interact. I grew up on the Southside of Chicago, in the hood. Yes it was difficult (but not impossible) to find a decent female. I was into things like art and music. I always went downtown. Thats where I would run into the black females that shared my interest and was really about something. One actually owns an art gallery where she holds all types of events. Ironically, her “black” female friends attend her shows and they all have class about them. All of them are either with or married to a black dude. I can’t speak for anyone else, but I know and constantly see that strong black relationships do exist. So my advice is to change the places where you do your interactions, if you ONLY see worthless black females. Don’t search the clubs if you looking for a female. I’d say if you’re in college, talk to the female sitting in the front with the good grades, not the one that comes dressed up like she’s coming from the club. Talk to the chick that looks like she has somewhere to be, like work. I’m saying it’s really endless as far as finding a good one. Seems that a lot of men/women seek out the bad ones, and think they’ll change for them. But in short, work on improving yourself and you will attract something similar. At the very least no how to distance yourself from the wrong ones.

    Now I apologize if it came across as if I were suggesting that you should put up with someone acting or talking reckless to you. That’s not what I’m saying at all. I don’t condone or preach the philosophy of “cap’n save em”. Not my M.O., and I ain’t no haven for these, ….. um black chicks, pimpn’. I’m simply saying that in order for you to find the worthy black females, you have to rise above BS. Get off that pedal stool bruh, learn to humble yourself and stop looking down on others. Makes a big difference. Try using empathy, instead of trying to put someone of your own race down. Matter fact, when it comes to your own race, you should have nothing but love for them, no matter what. I mean, you throwing out there how wrong sistas are for throwing brotha’s under the bus, even calling them uncle tom’s, but understand that you turned around and FOLLOWED their lead (suppose to be the other way), airing out there dirty laundry on the internet for everyone to see. So whats that make you? Also, stop being so bitter, because eventually it will become subconscious, and it will show without you realizing it. There’s brothers that give good dudes a bad name, and the same applies to the females. Both parties has there share of dirt, but that doesn’t have anything to do with how you choose to live your life. If your one of the good dudes out there, stay that way, and don’t allow anyone to influence you negatively. Besides, because of you, while I’m responding to this message, I keep glancing up at Deanna’s response about, black men being “damaged goods”, all on account of sum’n YOU wrote (lmao). It’s a vicious cycle…

    You have to take the good with the bad dude, but don’t be influenced by the negativity. There’s nothing sadder or more pathetic than when I hear that “men/women aren’t any good spill”. When I hear women say it, it just makes me look at them crazy. It’s like “Wtf you mean there ain’t no good ones, yo bitter ass ….., well wtf are you doing?” Guess I should have said, what aren’t they doing. Now no woman has ever told me, “I can do bad by myself…..” Why would a female say something like this, unless I’m, well, doing bad….? Please, let me know. Also, you say other races aren’t checking for black women? Probably because of the BS image out there of what beauty is. Maybe you’re right though, the other races ain’t checking for them. After all, between tanning, ass shots, and collagen in the lips, non black women can have the look of a black woman……. without having the stigma of being a black woman…… In another line you even say, you are what you attract, so again maybe it’s time for self improvement if you only attract no good women. Now what really got me were the women you stated you have to subtract and in that list was the woman that was too religious. I thought your intent was to find a good woman. I’m sure the “too religious for Jesus” female, would be an excellent choice. Probably be a good mother, and respectable wife. Problem is convincing shorty to let you smash way before you considered tying the knot. But, technically she would be considered a good one. So the question is the type of women you pursue, and what motivates you to pursue one female over the other. I personally don’t want a female that will have me waiting for marriage before I hit, or a female that’s so religious I get to see how much of a heathen I really am. But YOU on the other hand, have no choice but to ask yourself what’s wrong with this chick, since you playing the noble brotha and all. A relationship based more off common interest and attraction, has a stronger foundation, then relationship that’s foundation was created purely from sexual attraction. I know I wrote a lot, but I thought it might help, and if this way of thinking ain’t for you, it’s cool. Just trying to put out another perspective. Good luck bruh, I sincerely hope you find you a good black female. If not there always the puertorican chick…….. scratch that, go find you a sista.

  34. Mack says:

    Tarak:

    ” I’ve ONLY came across women that were actually about something positive, so the negative ones have never been given a single thought”

    Really? We are still talking about American sisters, right? Where are these mythological sisters you speak of? Myself and thousands of other brothers would like to know!

    Yes, I’m being facetious, and while I respect your views, I don’t share the desire to pander to the female ego by telling them what they want to hear. Its time out for that bruh. It’s way too late in the game for brown-nosing. These sisters aren’t fragile like china. They won’t break if we keep it real with them. We do them a disservice if we don’t tell them the truth.

    The purpose of my rant was to air out what needs to be said. Period. Hopefully to lead to some serious dialogue; not the same old ‘love your black women and get your act together you low down black guys’. That mess is corny. Part of being a good thinker and problem solver is to first identify that there IS a problem. That’s when you can start to think up lasting answers.

  35. BigBad says:

    @Tarak

    Been there done that. It doesn’t work.

  36. tarak says:

    Another person is going to tell me the same problem that as a black man, I ALREADY KNOW. What purpose is this suppose to serve. This isn’t an attack on you, but just something to think of. I’ve only came across women that were actually about something positive, so the negative ones have never been given a single thought. There’s no room for two emotional people in a relationship. Leave that to the women. You should be the thinker and problem solver. I would never degrade myself by talking down to my other half. Your only as good as your weakest link. Bruh, love these black women, because only you can, and vice versa for the women. You should understand there struggles better than anyone else. They get attacked from all sides, so what’s worse than getting talked down to my your own people. I know I’m not the only one that sees a problem hear. Your a black man, so that means protecting your black woman at all cost, and the same goes to these women knocking black men. Black women are talking trash about you…… well I guess it’s your job to educate them in a positive way. Someone will lead the momentum, whether they want to or not, so if your constantly knocking black women, any educated person will know that there will be negative retaliation. As a man, i believe that you understand that a man’s pride can sometime be his downfall, but that’s only if he allows it to control and lead him.

  37. DaTruth says:

    Good article Mack!! I have known a lot of sistas who fit that description completely. Black women really need to stop acting as their sh!t don’t stank, and they really need to be held accountable for their part in the mess black men and women are in regarding relationships.

  38. Shan says:

    Thank you Mack. I really appreciate this article. It is very much needed. Self-inspection and personal inventory are a challenge yet it is something we must all do.

  39. Eleanor says:

    I quite often tell younger Black women that our men have already been raised; they don’t need a mother. Get your hand off your hip, your finger out their face, and the sass out of your voice. Become his friend, companion, confidant, lover if you so choose, just always be respectful of the fact that he is a human being. Stay away from the trash, and you won’t get dirtied.

  40. sankofa says:

    Lol! Mack Major on fiyah… chop them up brother, shit needs to be said.

  41. Deeann D. Mathews says:

    Mack, I do believe you. I do sense the spirit of love in the midst of what you wrote, and I respect it.

  42. mackdaddy says:

    Continue your rant. Get it off your chest. Sistas just might realize they attract who they are. A single level headed sista is like a diamond in the rough that will be scooped up quickly.

  43. Mack says:

    Deeann D. Matthews:

    I make it clear at the beginning of my ‘rant’ that it’s directed at a specific group of sisters. IF YOU’RE NOT AN EXTRA-AVERAGE, BAGGAGE-LADEN SISTER, I’M NOT TALKING SPECIFICALLY TO YOU.

    Obviously since I’m writing to a general audience I’m speaking often in general terms. I know this doesn’t apply to all black women. There are some really good ones out there. They just don’t stay single for long.

    But truth is: real decent sisters who have themselves together, especially mentally and emotionally are becoming an urban legend. Many of you are working, but not enough are working internally on your minds and spirits. And that’s why brothers who have themselves together aren’t really checking for most of you at the moment.

    A brother who chooses to get with the average sister today has to be a bit of a psychotic. He must be willing to understand your issues, help heal your issues, endure frequent challenges to his manhood, be able to have open communication with you, deal with unrealistic expectations, be a world-class lover, constantly trying to prove he’s NOT the last man who did you dirty, and most likely deal with your children and their father(s) also. All this he must do BEFORE he can establish some sense of a normal relationship with you! No wonder so many of you flock to church: only Jesus could deal with all that.

    There is plenty of constructiveness in my rant. I specifically included some in there for that very purpose. The problem seems to be two-fold: one, I’m expected to sugarcoat and kiss a little ass during my presentation. Two, and this is getting closer to the meat of the matter: many of my sisters simply can’t take criticism! A good hard look in the mirror is the scariest thing in the world for some of you to do.

    How can we ever change our direction with the nonsense that plagues us in relationships if we can’t even have an open and honest dialogue without some sisters getting bent out of shape when they hear truths they don’t like to face?

    Our standards have become so low that we now celebrate being average as if its some great accomplishment. Having a decent job, a home of your own, a car and some education is NORMAL. That simply places you on level ground; not above anyone of equal status. Sisters need to stop putting extras on it.

    And if you posit that many black men don’t have themselves together on these very basic things, I would counter that you need to stop dealing with brothers like that in the first place. Step you dating up to a higher level.

    And see, thats another issue: Most of you choose to date brothers who are socially beneath you, because doing so doesn’t require much internal change on your part. There are tons of brothers who are well-educated, have healthy incomes, thriving careers, healthy minds, own their homes and cars. But most of you avoid brothers like this because to deal with them would require that you step your mental game up to a much higher level. And too many of my sisters still prefer to date like high school girls.

    So I’m calling this errant activity out. No more hiding behind smokescreens and female false bravado. We already know how effed up the brothers are. We hear about it everyday in the media and from our sisters… Now it’s time for the ladies to take a good look in the mirror. We need to get our act together NOW, while we still have time. And it begins with open, honest dialogue. Unless we can talk honestly, there can never be any solutions.

    I love you sis. Whether you believe it or not. It’s why I write the way I do in the first place. Why else would I put myself out there like this to be a target? Peace.

  44. Deeann D. Mathews says:

    Two different sistas, Mack. Thank you for taking on my question; I can respect the fact that you just had some things to get off your chest. I was just looking for more “constructive” in the midst of the criticism. I do see your point. I see it every day in the younger sistas I meet and work with, and I see it creeping up on the little girls I work with. On the other hand, every time an intelligent brotha who cares about the sistas lets himself participate in the public yelling match, that makes the work of those making change where we can that much harder. Put another way: often a group of people can be encouraged to change, but rarely will they change because someone who lashed out at them said they should. If you meant only to rant, well, you’ve done that and I respect your reasons. But since you do seem to have a concern, I hope to see further articles by you that are more constructive in their criticism.

  45. Mack says:

    I’m not sure if Deanna and Deeann are the same or not, but I’ll answer you both simultaneously: The purpose of this rant was to do just that: RANT. I deal with sisters constantly: relatives, friends, associates, strangers, neighbors, etc. I hear the exact same mantra mouthed over and over again, about how effed up all the brothers are, blah, blah blah. By now I’m sure you know the spiel.

    My point is: so many black women have allowed themselves to be placed on a high pedastal of false bravado and unearned respect, to the point where they believe their own BS. And it has to stop. Black women are not better than black men. At best we are equal. But there is a reason why the stats for marriage weigh so heavily against you right now.

    YOUR ATTITUDE DETERMINES YOUR ALTITUDE IN LIFE. Even the best self help gurus will tell you this.

  46. Deanna says:

    What extent of damage has social norming, rearing and other life lessons done to you and other brothers? That keep our brothers from being good men to us. I find most women eager to love, but oftentimes ran off by the damaged boy/teen in every black man. Learn to love back and share is a start.

  47. Deeann D. Mathews says:

    Mack, I understand where you’re coming from … I know some sistas like this too, but…

    I just have to ask… what was the purpose of this rant? The reason I don’t have to get out and rant about bad brothas is because I’m too busy working with and befriending good brothas. Nothing in the world would possess me to get up publicly and run you down in print — it is a waste of my time and energy. And clearly, you don’t appreciate when sistas do run a brotha down. So why write this article, and do the same kind of tearing down that you don’t want done to you?

  48. Deanna says:

    I like one operative comment……manage to get one(black man). Why is it so hard for men to be in a committed relationship? Always looking for the perfect one or scared they will miss out on one better. So, they keep that door open……so they can keep sampling for Mrs. Right. Right has been in most men faces many of times, but let them walk away!!! For fear that may be your last piece of *:*&…,.not unless its obtained in cheating. Maybe the real question is WHY a women don’t want you??? What damaged has life, rearing

  49. Deanna says:

    What a crockpot of stew without the beef!!!! Sorry, you feel this way. As far as I’m concerned most black men are “damaged good”. From Skooter on the block to CEO…. some of you are IMPOSSIBLE!!! Don’t blame it on us because you don’t know how to treat a black woman, RIGHT!!!!

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