(ThyBlackMan.com) I watched the first episode of “R&B Divas” last week on TVOne, and KeKe Wyatt is exactly why you should heal and I mean completely heal before you enter another relationship. She kept speaking of her ex, and how she has trust issues with men, she won’t ahem “allow” her husband to have any friends, or a facebook page, I mean her husband is truly “her buddy” “Everywhere I go, he goes. My buddy. My Buddy. Everywhere I go, he goes. My buddy“.
When Selena introduced her husband to Keke Wyatt’s husband so that the poor man could have a friend, KeKe Wyatt was very upset about that. She stated, “You know what my ex did, he left me alone by myself”, and he had to tell her that was the “last guy, that’s not me” and later he said “that it takes a special man to take the weight of every other past relationship on his shoulders and carry them.”
Ummm no. Husbands (nor wives) should moonlight as a bellhop nor be your chiropractor. Releasing baggage doesn’t mean that you put them down so that your mate can pick them up.
Listen, I mean maybe, MAYBE a carry on might be permissible, but a FULL SET?, no mam, no sir. Healing, Healing and more healing. Keke Wyatt is suffocating that man with her issues and insecurities. She even told her son
On the second episode, we are able to delve a little deeper into Keke’s past. While KeKe Wyatt was in the studio recording, a woman came in and handed her husband a note and when I saw that eyebrow go up, I knew it was coming. She immediately let them know that they are entirely too close. She lets her husband know that wasn’t cool and they got into an argument in the studio.
Later while in what appears to be a kitchen, while with her manage she states the following “I hate being me. It sucks being me, I swear. The last bastard hurt me so bad, now I just take it out on everybody”, and later she says “I live in constant fear every moment of the day, I am afraid that if Michael’s not with me, he is with somebody else, or if he is with me is looking at someone else or somebody else wants him, it’s so frustrating, I have some serious issues.”
Well Miss KeKe Wyatt, you have taken the first step, which is acknowledging the fact that they are some areas that need work. I know that she was in an abusive relationship, and I personally know what that feels like, how it affects your self-esteem. Oftentimes physical abuse is the last “abuse” that takes place. It is normally preceded by mental, verbal and emotional abuse first. By the time the physical blows start, you have already been beaten up mentally, and once you have the ability, allowed or have given a person the power to control your mind, to effect your spirit and self esteem, those wounds take much longer to heal than a black eye, or broken ribs. It’s much harder to restore a broken spirit, but it can be done.
What also concerns me is that during taping she is pregnant with a son, and I wonder how her thoughts will shape her son. What type of man will become if she doesn’t heal, because her issues have already penetrated her son, while in the womb. Healing is not only crucial for her, her marriage, but also for her children.
Watching these episodes made me think about self-saboteurs. This normally occurs when we have been mistreated in past relationships or we think so little of ourselves, so when a good woman or man presents themselves to us, we immediately think and tell them “you are too good to be true“. We keep looking at them, giving them the side eye, just waiting in the cut for them to flip out on us, or do something that feels familiar to us, you know like pain. When this doesn’t happen, here comes the self-saboteur, and either consciously or subconsciously, begins to destroy our own relationship.
If we have trust issues, then we begin to probe the Brother or Sister regarding their every move. We become accusatory, when the timing doesn’t seem to add up, or on the reverse side, we become to needy. We continuously ask them “why do you love me?”, because we can’t grasp the concept that someone could actually love us beyond our past, faults and flaws, they focus on the best parts of us, while we take residence of the worst part of ourselves. Another way we destroy our own relationships is by focusing on the most minute, most trivial, trait, habit or whatever, and we say well I can’t deal with this. We push them away because in our mind we feel like are going to end up hurting us anyway.
The misconception about insecurities is that it appears in those that are obese, or who facial features aren’t considered “pretty“, but insecurities are found in the prettiest of faces, the nicest physiques, in those that many may envy, in those that many want to emulate, yes, insecurities find their way to their psyche and settle in as well. In other words, insecurities and low self esteem don’t discriminate.
Again this is why Healing is so important. Pain, anger, lack of self-worth, and insecurity are the driving force behind most destructive behavior. I keep saying that we have to fall in love with ourselves. And I mean literally love the HELL out of us. We are the blueprints that teach our mates how to love us; no one can set a better example of how to love you, than YOU. One of the most attactive and attracting qualites is CONFIDENCE.
Brothers how could an insecure woman PRODUCE God? Sisters how can an insecure man BE God? You can’t. We’ve been fed an inferiority complex so long, it has become a staple in our diet. We’ve proven we have anger, we have, pain, we have insecurities….how long are we going to stay in that miserable state? Holding on to all that is toxic, healing is healthy. Healing is free, but anger and bitterness come at a high cost.
Remember, anyone that will willfully break their back with their baggage won’t hesitate to break yours.