(ThyBlackMan.com) I’m 10 days out from my wedding. I’m trying to tie up all loose ends before I actually arrive in Chicago a week from today. In doing so I’m on the hunt for a cake topper. I called my local Hobby Lobby; no dice. I went into Michael’s last night and found rows and rows and even a box full of cake toppers of White couples. One Black couple? Nowhere in sight. When I asked one of the employees he told me he’d never even thought about it.
I immediately tweeted:
Trying to buy a wedding cake topped but can’t find any black people. Grr
Aside from the misspelled word — courtesy of Android Incredible — I was annoyed.
I discussed my plight at work and my acquiescent co-workers empathized my frustration so much they cried out “that’s racist.” Maybe. Maybe not. But it doesn’t help change the image of the “Angry Black Woman” or “Single Black Female” whom can also never get and or keep a man, let alone get married.
The success of Think Like a Man has revived the conversation of what women — Black women specifically — need to do to get, keep and marry a Black man. Stroke his ego, motivate him, mother him into growing up, let him be a man 
and take charge. So much goes into getting the man that the market on what you do after you plan to marry that man is wholly untapped. Even “black” films about marriage go back to the plot lines of how to keep your man; Jumping the Broom, Not Easily Broken.
There is life between getting a man, keeping a man and getting married and staying married by keeping your man. There is a huge, wide open gap that can be filled with the actual marriage starting with the wedding. The good times. The honeymoon stage. The first time you introduce each other as husband and wife. The first married vacation you take together. The first anniversary. The first child. Everything that comes before you fall into the married friend zone and that bastard Divorce starts whispering in your ear like the devil did Jesus on the Mount of Temptation.
All married couples mark these moments. They are not mutually exclusive to one race. It may seem odd or inaccurate to those who follow the release of marriage statistics like Twi-Hearts follow YouTube for the release of the Breaking Dawn: Part 2. But even though our numbers are lower does not mean they are non-existent.
From the National Center for Health Statistics:
- In 2006–2010, black women had the highest percentage never married (55%)
- Hispanic (56%) and white (48%) women had the highest probabilities of first marriage by age 25, while black (24%) women had the lowest.
- By age 35 Asian (85%), white (84%), and foreign-born Hispanic (80%) women had virtually the same probability of first marriage, followed by U.S.-born Hispanics (68%) women; however, black women were still the least likely to marry by this age compared with all other race groups (58%).
- For men Asian (80%) and white (74%) had the highest probabilities of first marriage by age 35, while black (61%) and U.S.-born Hispanic (60%) men had the lowest.
- Looking at Hispanic origin and race, Asian women (69%) and foreign- born Hispanic men (70%) had the highest probability of first marriages lasting 20 years. Black women (37%) had the lowest chances of first marriages lasting 20 years, significantly lower than for white women (54%).
- For men there was no significant difference in the probability of first marriage lasting 20 years between white (54%) and black (53%).
The report concludes differences in stability of first marriage across racial, ethnic, and nativity groups can be attributed to a host of demographic factors, such as age at first marriage, region of residence, and educational attainment.
These numbers are not the best. But they’re also not zero. Therefore for the percentage of Black folks getting married and trying to stay married all I’m asking for is a little respect for the minority of the minority. A cake topper here or there. A look of frustration when something is not readily available for Black brides and grooms as they are for White brides and grooms instead of a look of wonderment.
Has Say Yes to the Dress: Atlanta taught America nothing.
Really.
Staff Writer; Nikesha Leeper
To connect with this sister feel free to visit; Change Comes Slow.