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You Who Do Not View Me as Your Equal Will Never Be My King…

January 26, 2012 by  
Filed under News, Opinion, Sista Talk, Weekly Columns

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(ThyBlackMan.com) Black Patriarchy & Womanism…

I was reflecting on two things:

 1) Why I identify as Black feminist and womanist,

2) Angie Stone’s song “Brotha”.

Womanism as defined by Alice Walker who coined the term can be found here:

“A woman who loves other women, sexually and/or nonsexually. Appreciates and prefers women’s culture, women’s emotional flexibility (values tears as natural counterbalance of laughter), and women’s strength.  Sometimes loves individual men, sexually and/or nonsexually. Committed to survival and wholeness of entire people, male and female.  Not a separatist, except periodically, for health.

If this is part of the definition of womynism, I wonder why so many womyn, particularly heterosexual women, seem to forget that the womynist is “committed to the survival and wholeness of the entire people, male andfemale” (and non-gender binary/genderqueer, where’s that?).

Black feminist and womanist are IDs that are oftentimes used interchangeably, but this what I thought the difference was:

The Black feminist, I feel, is not caught up in her love and appreciation of the Black man, she is not caught up in love period though criticizes because she loves. The Black feminist is unyielding in her criticism of the abusive and subjugating system of Black male patriarchy. The Black feminist does not overlook intersectionality. The Black feminist does not turn to whites and she does not turn to other womyn or people of color for their opinions about and interpretations of her life but looks at her own life experiences for the truth and for validation.

But looking at the definition of womanism now, I kinda don’t see that much of a difference. However, I wonder how it came to be that love is somehow interchangeable with blind devotion, which is what I feel Angie Stone’s song “Brotha” exhibits? I don’t think Alice Walker meant blind devotion and slavishness when she talks about “loving individual Black men”, I think that this wording was very intentional: meaning you don’t have to love all men and the things they do to be a womanist. Why make the distinction?

Black men’s track record with embracing feminism and supporting and understanding Black women today remains unimpressive to me. I view them overall as a group dedicated to achieving white male power or as close to it they can get.

I used to really like Angie Stone’s song. Now I give the extreme side-eye whenever I think about it or cross it on my little mp3 player. Not only is the extremely heterosexist, it starts off as follows:

“He is my King, He is my one Yes he’s my father, Yes he’s my son I can talk to him, cuz he understands Everything I go through and everything I am That’s my support system, I can’t live without him The best thing since sliced bread, Is his kiss, his hugs, his lips, his touch And I just want the whole world to know, about my [chorus]

This song is just one in a long line of soul and R&B songs by both male and female artists that posits Black wimmin as slavishly devoted to Black men, no matter what they do, creating this ideal image of Black men’s relationships to Black wimmin.

So no, Angie Stone, I will not be professing my love of Black men in neo-soul lyrical ballad even if it is true that within this need for justice, within this anger and hurt I truly do love my people, including the men who participate in oppressing me. Even if there are a few “good ones”, I have yet to meet any of them.

No Angie Stone, I will not be calling any man who does not view me as his equal ‘my king’.

No Angie Stone, I will not claim the man who abandoned my twin sister and I when we were three and did nothing to help us.

No Angie Stone, I will not give Black men credit for “understanding me” when for the majority of them, this is the furthest thing from the truth.

No Angie Stone, I do not want the whole world to know that Black men and their sons have talked down to me, called me angry, bitter, a bitch, a ho, a chickenhead, a piece of meat, some rip, hostile, ugly, less than women of other races. I do not want the whole world to know that Black men have shamed me, for speaking up for myself and others, because of my hair and because of my weight. I do not want the whole world to know that though I would prefer to be with a man of my own race, I do not want many of them because they do not want me for I will not place my head beneath their foot and because I do not have the coveted “Latina booty” and complexion, “Asian petiteness”, straight or curly “white girl hair”, a tiny waist, or other markers of the erotic and exotic. No I do not want to tell the whole world that Black men do not admire and respect my intelligence and spirit and they value Black children in so far as they serve a utility or resemble white children with good hair.

No Angie Stone, he is not my support system and I will continue to survive and live despite his efforts to destroy me and in doing so destroy himself.

Staff Writer; Shannon Rucker

For more articles written by this talented sista, do check out; The Black Feminist Blog.

Also connect with this sista via twitter; Ms. Queenly.

 


Comments

15 Responses to “You Who Do Not View Me as Your Equal Will Never Be My King…”
  1. Can we please put this lie to rest?

    The feminist movement STARTED as a movement to get white women, yes just white women, Black women weren’t a consideration, the right to vote. Not that there was tremendous opposition. Heck, the truth of the matter was that most WOMEN, back then, detested politics and found it ugly, which it is. So first they had to convince women to actually want to vote. Then they had to get the law to pass to change the language to “anyone” can vote, but not Black men or women. You have to remember this started before the alleged Black civil rights movement.

    Ok, so that passed. But, hold on, why stop a good thing? We have an organization and … no more cause. So THEN WWII happened and women went to the factories, because the men were gone. You following me? So they didn’t have to pay women as much as men, because they worked like half as much as men. [go look it up] Fast forward, war’s over. BUT, corporations liked that they had cheap labor by females. So they “captured” the white feminist movement. HOWEVER, by this time, the head of the movement were lesbian. [true story] Didn’t matter, the men dictated what the group would do and get them back, out of the house, back to work.

    They then set about destroying the American family. AND THAT WAS FOR JUST WHITE PEOPLE.

    The entire sob story about oppressing women was … just advertisement. Noone ever believed it.

    Fast forward, past the Black movement, and not to leave well enough alone, the lesbians of the feminist movement set about recruiting Black women, the 2nd largest population demographic. Ironically, although Black men have never oppressed Black women, they somehow convinced the Black women, that by virtue of them being women, they all had solidarity. But the fact remains, no other race in the U.S. is oppressed by anyone, except for white people. Blacks don’t oppress Blacks. Asians don’t oppress Asians. Africans don’t oppress Africans.

    So we come now to this article. The author cannot point to any factual information, data, research which shows / proves, that Black men have done anything but ask Black women to stand RIGHT BY HIS SIDE.

    It has been the white agenda to destroy the Black family. And, they have done a smashing job. Welfare has done more to bring Black marriage rates from 80% in the 1940s down to 33% 2000. The feminist movement alone probably contributed 10% to that destruction.

    Black families were a very solid unit before the Black civil rights movement. After “integration” and the Democrats got done with us, the family unit was completely undone.

    Conclusion:
    Not every Black man is going to be a saint. However, nowhere does it say EVERY Black man is going to be a hustler / dog / domineering idiot.

    The Black American female is the most, MOST “SINGLE” person in the entire world. She has let herself be so brainwashed that she throws away her own counterpart, welfare, feminism, the media, public education system. No other culture, race, nationality suffers from the same SELF-INFLICTED hardship the Black American woman puts herself through.

    I’m not going to pray for you. You just need to wake up. Stop the pitty party. Go get yourself a good man, GOOD MAN, to stand by for the rest of your and his life. At the end of the day, that’s what we were put here for. Otherwise we’d all be hermits. You do know humans are a group animal? yeah, that means we need companionship of other humans. The perfect bond between a man a woman trumps all others. And, when that union produces children, your entire life changes… that is … if you have an ounce of caring in your bones.

    So: 1. GOOD Black man [nothing else is going to suffice] 2. who cares about you 3. children 4. living for each other 5. you two against the world. That’s the formula of happiness, right there. Money be damned. That’s the formula.

    Leave white people to their own devices. We’ll survive the Armageddon that’s about to happen.

  2. @Rucker I am quite sure I’ve read many more books than you, but that is irrelevant to this discussion. With out feminism, created by white woman, womanism and all the nutty things that lead you to spell woman as womym would not exist. So yes it is white created and definitively abstract, as anyone in the real worlds knows, black men hardly have the power to control their own live much less oppress another’s. So please read some well written books and leave the pseudo intellectualism alone.

  3. lewis orr says:

    I Have to respond to these three women’s comments. It’s not my intention to hurt these women’s feelings but I have to speak the truth. These women are suffering from a hurt and anger brought on by untreated penis envy, and I will explain. First of all they are delusional living in a world of fantasy they’ve created for themselves along with their made up words to go with it. (Womyn, wimmin, womanism, Black femism, infanitilize)
    Let’s go to the facts, first off Black men are not oppressing Black women or anyone else! If they put a finger print on a women the police would be there to take them to jail. If it’s a White women the SWAT team would be there and they don’t get to go to jail they go to the morgue. More Black men are in prison than any other race in proportion to their population. Black women out number Black men 4 to 1 in colleges and schools of higher learning, and that was five years ago. How is this oppressing Black women? All straight women know that in a devorce they get the house the children and child support. Now lets look at the top of the pecking order. How much money did Tiger Woods have to pay his wife? Why did he have to move out of his mansion and give it to her and she lives in Europe? Why did Kobe have to give his wife three mansions and a huge settlement. Why did Michael Jordon have to pay the largest devorce settlement in history? How is it Black men are oppressing anyone? Now lets look at the corporate world. Elite executive Black women are saying all the time there aren’t enough Black men at their level to date, so they have to date out of their race or settle for blue collar Black men. Again how are Black men oppressing Black women? You think you speak for all Black women but you don’t! By bashing Angie Stone and Black men won’t make Ms Stone stop loving her father or stop loving her son and stop loving her man and be your lover. I have all the respect for other gay groups around the world because they don’t show the hatred for those who don’t share their sexual preference. Toping this off is you come on a web site “ThyBlackMan” bashing Black men! Thats the hatred on par with a Klansman coming to your house and planting a burning cross. Why couldn’t you air your feelings on “ThyBlackLizbo”? They would be more receptive to your feelings not based in fact. If you like we can continue this discussion in facts, not in your feelings and emotions. In the mean time I pray Jesus does take the wheel in your life and takes that anger and hatred off you, it’ll do wonders for your health, you hurt yourself hating. May God come into your lives and Bless you.

  4. For those of you who are curious, lyrically these are the lines from Angie Stone’s song that I DO NOT agree with and view as “idol worship”, for lack of a better phrase. FYI: I like the intention behind the song, a chunk of it just rubs me the wrong way.

    “Brotha” performed by Angie Stone

    [Verse 1]
    He is my King, He is my one
    Yes he’s my father, Yes he’s my son
    I can talk to him, cuz he understands
    Everything I go through and everything I am
    That’s my support system, I can’t live without him
    The best thing since sliced bread,
    Is his kiss, his hugs, his lips, his touch
    And I just want the whole world to know, about my…

    [From the Chorus]
    there is no – one above ya

    [From the Bridge]
    You mean so much to me, you give me what i need,
    Going through thick and thin, brothas you gonna win [Note: you won’t win as long as you’re oppressing women]

  5. @ Jamara Newell

    Oh and I realized after I wrote the post that I addressed you as “my brother”. I actually have no I idea what your gender is.

    My apologies.

  6. @ Jamara Newell

    Since I can clearly see your comment at the bottom of the page here as I am typing my replies, I couldn’t resist reading:

    In case you didn’t know, womanism and/or Black feminism ARE lived experienced applied as theories, as you put it, BY BLACK WOMYN. There is nothing “abstract” or “white” about it. Go read a few books, my brother, instead of pumping out hatred, anti-intellectualism, and ignorance and mislabeling the knowledge that Black womyn have worked so hard to make known.

    The ancestors are weeping for you. May the peace of enlightenment be upon you and you learn to be a better ally to the womyn of your race and all womyn.

  7. Because I can tell an ignorant remark from reading the first sentence or even just part of it, I’m not going to read the negative and misinformed comments which consitute the majority of responses to this post. It’s not worth my time and not worth my effort to address. Haters gone hate, as they say.

    I don’t suffer fools. You either get it, are trying to see what I mean and where I’m coming from, or you stay blind and hostile about it. I’m going to let Jesus take the wheel and take care of the situation for some of y’all. For the most part, it’s out of my hands and I hope that other people come along who can be more patient and understanding with you to help you.

    That’s about as sage as I get. I don’t play games of kill-’em-with-kindness.

  8. I love my people, that means Black men too, and I want them to be better and treat each other better. But treating a Black man “better” to many Black men oftentimes means wimmin need to be subservient and pleasing at all costs.

    I hope that Black men truly become better allies to Black womyn. That means acknowledging that womyn are not their servants and baby sitters, placed here on earth only to meet their desires and stroke their egos. Worshipping Black men is getting Black womyn nowhere outside of individual situations of gratification for womyn who are willing to put up with men asserting their privilege and dominance in every aspect of our lives, womyn who view this as the natural order.

  9. BLKSeaGoat says:

    Thank you Shannon Rucker for actually having some sense and being able to articulate what many of us have been thinking, but have been too scared to say lest we bruise the fragile ego of the plethora trifling black men.

    For some reason the black community sees it as a necessary exercise to defend and protect black men at all costs – no matter how trifling many of those men may be.

    It is this kind of poisonous thinking that will keep the black community right where it is. Black male protectionism infantilizes black men, abrogates them from ANY accountability for how they mistreate black women and children, and then lays ALL of the blame for black male dysfunction on the shoulders of black women and all non black people.

  10. Ellen Gee says:

    I’m very surprised by the negative reactions the readers who responded are having to this article. It expresses exactly what I think is wrong with a number of people:

    1. women who do not recognize that being oppressed by men is a REAL THING
    2. people who assume that women who assert themselves don’t like or love men OR THEMSELVES for that matter, are angry, are bitter, or anything remotely close
    3. men who believe that women want to be viewed as equal aspire to “be like them” when it’s clearly not on our agenda

    I don’t expect anyone to understand what it’s like to be a woman but some understanding would be nice. I don’t expect an oppressor to sympathize with the oppressed. And I definitely don’t expect people who accept the status quo to understand this article.

    This article ruffles some male (and surprisingly some female) ego feathers and I am glad it did and I applaud the author and stand behind what she’s written completely.

  11. lewis orr says:

    @Natalie
    I was waiting for one brave lady to speak up before I commented. As a man I’m not going to attack this article or the author. I want to speak to the American sister who is wondering why that man on foreign soil hasn’t crossed the ocean in search of you? Why that man across town hasn’t ask you out to get to know you? Why? Because he already knows you, by articles like this, that show you to be angry, simi-literate, penis envying and combatant. And leaning toward alter lifestyle. This article you validate by your silence. Other countries Brazil, Thailand, The Philippines and Senegal and many others depend heavily on men tourist coming to their countries in search of women, in fact it’s part and parcel of their national income. But not one bus load comes to America. Actually this is hurting our economy, but I won’t go there. Look at the picture posted of the queen. Does she look like someone espousing warmth and love? Look at the king, he looks as if he’s wondering, what’s her problem? She’s sharing half my kingdom and still she has attitude and acts board. You American Sisters know you’re beautiful and have a powerful love to give. Don’t let is type of article define you to the world, speak up. Peace and Love

  12. Bill Frankel says:

    Somehow I stumbled upon this article while researching a political topic and found the writing almost completely incoherent. What I did see is the perpetuation of racism, reverse bigotry and a lucid view of skin color. Even the topic of this entire website, “Thy Black Man” is going down the wrong path of ending color discrimination. This article and the paradigm it propagates is the counter extreme to “red neck” bigotry. Why not come to the center of the issue where we don’t see black, yellow, red, white or any color—just people seeing people? We are all humans, it’s that simple.

  13. natalie says:

    I haven’t the energy to address the devastating effects of feminism on our community… ill just say that these idealogues have held our community hostage for decades and their ideology and subsequent policies have expedited the deterioration of our community!

  14. Mack says:

    Spoken like a true woman who can’t cohabitate peacefully with a man.

    The terms ‘black’ and ‘feminist’ don’t even belong together in the same sentence. It’s really just the ultimate attempt to sound revolutionary for the cause of black power, while really masking your love and devotion to white supremacy. We don’t ever need to define ourselves by the definitions of white folks…

    *Shaking-my-head at my lost sisters…

  15. I prefer Angie’s logic, she is celebrating her brother and father. While you are trying to place abstract white created theories on black relationhips. I know that you want to what woman do, prove you are just as oppressed by your men as they are by theirs, but very few buy it. I certainly don’t. Peace Angie Stone , black fist up too you, and two fingers to you Rucker-peace.

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