The Musings of Paranoid Conceit.

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(ThyBlackMan.com) I am riddled with paranoid conceit… at least I think I am. Rather, I am a devoted husband who is in love with his wife and is overly cautious about other women approaching me. As such, I treat every other woman I encounter that is not directly related to me as my mother or sister as someone who may see me as a person of interest.

It doesn’t matter to me what her age, ethnicity, social status, marital status, our professional relationship or if she is my third cousin second removed – I take NO chances! I just assume that there is some level of attraction present that I need to curb and avoid. As such, I don’t even give out hugs and kisses to my sisters in Christ – they’re often the main ones that get Christian men in trouble because we let our guards down; so don’t sleep my Christian brothers (pun intended)… family will mess you up!

But I’ve digressed. I say that I am conceited as a result of this because such a stance implies that I must be a man worth paying attention to in the majority of the desirable categories that women look for in a good man: physicality, emotionality, spirituality, mentality, maturity, sexuality, family man/head of household duality.

I’m not about to spend my time in this blog ranking myself in these traits but for the caliber of woman that I have as a wife, I know that I must not be doing too bad in these areas because my wife ranks high in every single (or would it be married?!!) aforementioned stat!

In the end though, I believe it is not conceit that drives me to make such assumptions but an overzealous and overprotective drive to protect the sanctity of my marriage. I trust myself 1000% when it comes to other women. I’ve learned to train once wandering eyes and a wondering mind to be brought into the obedience of Christ when He said that men commit adultery the moment we look upon a woman with lust in our hearts (Matthew 5:28). Though I once scoffed at this red letter warning in the Bible, I have now taken it to heart with great pride and seriousness.

I also recognize that though I have tamed the lust within me, it is still an ever present, heat-seeking spirit that looks for opportunities to thrive in my flesh; as such, I starve it whenever possible. I starve it when women openly tell me how much they enjoy hearing me breakdown the Word of God in a way that they can understand it. I starve it when women over(t)ly illustrate the physical attributes that I’m attracted to by looking the other way (as best I can!). I starve it when eye contact with a woman or a smile lingers for a second too long.

I starve it so that I might have it feast upon the physically, mentally and spiritually suppleness of my wife. So I suppose, in recognizing her beauty as my better half and only means of attraction that I should act upon, I am very much so conceited.

SELAH

– excerpt from A Fire Starter Kit a.k.a. My Journal’s Inferno as published in Steel Waters VOLUME I: DUPLicate AuthentICITY:

‘…To get my peers to see a part of this,
I endured the jeers of being a Narcissist.
But at the start of this I parted with my ego and pride.
Analyze it and it’s hard to miss.
Don’t hand me lies when I put my heart to this…
I’m not an artist, I’m an arsonist that burns the evil inside…’

Staff Writer; Reggie Legend

Can find more about this writer over at; http://www.steelwaterspoetry.com

Also available as a Keynote Speaker – Book him Today; Speakerwiki – Reggie Legend

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April Byrd says:
January 9, 2012 at 11:01 pm
the name fits, but its not so much conceit; its weakness. You should be strong enough in yourself not to be intimidated or afraid of women or your behavior around them. Become more grounded. Keep your mind focused on the elevation of GOD inside your soul……and you won’t be so unsure(conceited)
Giosincere says:
December 16, 2011 at 11:27 pm
I didn’t discern the same things that the previous commentator discerned. In any event, great article. The title of the article could be revised. Other than that, God bless you and keep you.
Dr. Real Talk says:
December 12, 2011 at 1:35 am
The author of this blog is full of it. The fact that he chooses not to hug women that are not directly related to him is a representation of his lack of self-control, and nothing more. For him to put the onus on women for the reasons why two responsible individuals fall into sin, “they’re often the main ones that get Christian men in trouble…”, is utterly ridiculous but not surprising. You mean to tell me that men are so weak that they can’t resist the lure and attraction of a woman, and that it is entirely the woman’s fault for getting “the man in trouble”? Please! You pulled your own damn zipper down, exchanged a lustful glance, and entered into the sinful act on account of your leading. Men, particularly Black men need to start taking responsibility for their own actions and stop blaming broken marriages and relationships on “needy” women.
You are not conceited, that is the wrong “c” word, you are confused. And you do not trust yourself 1000%, you trust yourself 0%, that is why you put so much effort into avoiding women (running from hugs and avoiding eye contact). Your wife doesn’t trust you either–because your behavior is abnormal and confusing.
I pray that you are able to resolve your insecurities and embrace all women, particularly Black women and that you are able to remain faithful to God first, and to your marriage second.