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    Categories: NewsOpinionRelationshipsWeekly Columns

Real Talk Relationships (The “L” Word)

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(ThyBlackMan.com) If you have enjoyed any of my writings some of the things you are about to hear may sound familiar from a previous articles and that’s because IT IS!! The success of relationships can easily be summed up in two words Repetition or Repeat.  You have to take all of the good qualities, strong points of your relationship and repetitiously do them over during the course of a relationship to maintain it, sustain it, and allow for growth. “Repetition” in a relationship shows you both are attempting to perfect what is. Now there is no perfect relationship but there is a perfect relationship for you!  If not? You just will be subject to the other and “Repeating” a cycle of bad relationships/friendships.

I have always said that deception is worse than lying. When a person lies its blatant, they just flat out don’t want you to know the truth so they don’t tell it! I’m not saying its right but I can accept it! I actually can respect it to some point. You can’t hold yourself accountable for someone lying to you. When a person uses deception he is truly playing on YOUR emotions and in short that person is simply saying you are stupid! It’s disrespectful. We all can probably  agree that normally women tend to be more than in tune with their emotions & feelings when it comes to a man. And for most men they are more in tune to their defense mechanism of detaching themselves from their emotions or feelings or even sex! But a man uses deception in masking what really is with women. Women truly are creatures of endurance. I have seen women stick by a man through some the most severe circumstances when the opportunity and easy option to leave is the best thing she could ever do for herself! I have learned that a woman, until she has had “HER ENOUGH” (varies by woman) she will continue to endure for the sake of what she envisions her relationship to be or the potential she knows the man has! The problem is that they woman does not acknowledge or will not accept that the man doesn’t look at her in the same light! YOUR light is bright as hell like sunshine! His light is like walking around at night with a flashlight! You can’t put grips on how he sees you or your relationship with him. ENTER DECPETION, which makes you question yourself or confused on you relationship.

*I know I am bout to catch flack from the Fellas but Herewego!* Ladies when a man shows you who he is, and what he is about….. BELIEVE HIM!!  It is much easier to see a person in a new light after being proved wrong than having expectations on the unseen/unknown and then being let down when you realize what looked bad REALLY WAS AS BAD AS IT LOOKED! Women give men too much room for error. You divest 100% of you into him and you only get a “piece” of him in return. They say fair exchange aint no robbery… well some of you women are in a flat out “HEIST” and you don’t even know you an accessory to your own robbery. He done robbed you of  your heart with no intentions of keeping it! A man is commited to his options. He only will go as far as his options allow him. Deception allows the man to maintain options and say ALL the right things when necessary. You have made him priority (which there is nothing wrong with as long as it’s mutual) but he has made you his option! That’s usually a trait of a serial dater. He will date you or whoever as long as he can until there is no other option to fully commit or leave.

Deception is selfish… It allows the man to convince himself and say he aint ready for commitment, he wants to do him when he wants, he wants to date you when he wants, he wants to fuck when he wants, and he wants you all to himself and all without commitment. And the worst part is that he has convinced himself that he is right! You tell him you love him because you do and he tells you he loves you to keep you close and to keep his options open. You look at him as your future. His only concern is what you can do for him present day! You are his biggest support system when the only thing he can amount to for you is your weakest link. Your relationship is convenience for him and he is dating you when he sees fit! *JESUS BE A FENCE ROUND MY MOUTH* but to some you are nothing more than “convenient pussy” the sex has more of a hold on you than him saying “I love you back” The sex can be the main weapon in the robbery. But remember I said some women are accessories to their own crime. Y’all use it as a weapon just as much as men. But when you laying up under a man, he don’t hear shit you saying, but better believe at that time you will always have the man you want! You will never be able to get from up under a man until……YOU GET YOUR ASS FROM UP UNDER HIM!!

In relationships the hardest thing to acknowledge that flat out is that YOU TWO ARE NOT RIGHT FOR EACH OTHER or that other person doesn’t love you like you love them. It’s hard to let go. You tried and it just didn’t work. WE don’t like failure so WE keep attempting to hold on and make excuses for something that is NOT there. And it’s not ours to hold on to in the first place. WE make all the excuses to stay when we have all the evidence that says we should leave! WE CONFUSE… being IN-LOVE… with being IN-LOYAL. in-loyal meaning (in-short) basically like a prison sentence “TIME SERVED” or work and time put in the relationship wont allow you to let go! Y’all got kids so you use them as an excuse to stay and be a team player in your relationship getting worse.

WE choose the relationships a lot of time based on what WE want and not what WE NEED or what’s good for us! Ask yourself in the work or time you have put in did you receive equal value for what you gave? If you investing in a man and its not reciprocated then maybe you should start rethinking your investment because apparently you two have placed a different value on the relationship.

Ladies when a man wants to be with you. There is NOTHING in this world that can stop that man from being with you. I am a firm believer that every person that comes in your life is not necessarily meant to STAY in your life. People are put in our lives to learn from. And for some when the lesson is learned GOD removes them. WE try to keep them there! WE DO THAT! When a person doesn’t want to be or walks out of your life do yourself a favor….. AND LET THEY ASSES GO!! 

It’s obvious that you LOVE him…. when in turn he only LIKES you….There is no comparisons or similarities in the two. There is nothing wrong with loving what you love but it takes you to love them enough and yourself more to let go! Beyonce said “IF YOU LIKE IT THEN YOU WOULD HAVE PUT A RING ON IT”….. and I say…. Why would I put a ring on it if I only “LIKED” it! *shrugs*   Some women are confused on which “ L “ word he is using when he says it and rightfully so because he doesn’t want you to know the difference. They both sound like “LOVE” but his actions only say “LIKE”  so when he gives you all the the actions of  “LIKE” ….. BELIEVE HIM!

Sincere!

Staff Writer; Jamal Montague

 


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