(ThyBlackMan.com) I’m pretty new to this marriage thing. Like many of you, successful marriages weren’t too present in my childhood, so I’m kinda feeling my way through this. I’ve picked up bits and pieces from the marriages I do deem as being healthy, but for the most part, I’m just trying to improve on what’s worked so far in my relationship and continue to grow as a man. However, I have learned one thing; your relationships with single friends do change a little bit. It’s not that you don’t have time for them or they feel as though you’ve changed or the pressure is on them to now get married, it’s just that your time has to be devoted to your marriage, to your wife, to your home a little more than it did when you were single or just dating. That being the case, it seems as if you automatically begin to pick up married friends along the way.
This. May. Not. Be. A. Good. Thing.
If you’re anything like me, you’ve had the same friends for over 20 years and making new friends was not on bucket list, but the attempt is almost inevitable. My brother-in-law and I have developed a pretty good 
relationship in the last few months; we married sisters that are opposite in many ways, but similar in others. We also married the rest of the family and he’s been coaching me through that transition, because he’s been around the family longer than I have and our personalities mesh pretty well. Plus, the fact that we’re both newlyweds doesn’t hurt; he tells me what works for them and in turn, I let him know what works for us. They are the married couple we kick it with.
But you know women; one pair is never good enough them, something like shoes. So the next thing you know, you’re on double dates with married couple after married couple, smiling through boredom and chasing it all with vodka. By the time the appetizers arrive, Chris Rock is on your shoulder, reminding you that you’re on a grown man play date and you suddenly laugh outside as you hear him saying “I like baseball,” in your head. Here’s the deal, men generally forge relationships through means of bonding, school, work, athletics, fraternities, etc. Forcing us to sit through dinner with some guy and his wife is not gonna get it, at that point, the only thing we have in common is that we’re married.
Outside of that situation, marriage is enough to bring guys together…even if only for a few moments. Older married men drop jewels to “young bloods” like myself all of the time and they tend to do it at the most opportune times: Walmart, the men’s room, waiting for a table at Red Lobster, anywhere they feel like giving you some advice. The married men in your age bracket tell horror stories or offer cautionary advice. They’re the same friends that tried to talk you out of marriage, but once you got married, decided you needed to learn how to stay married.
Once you say “I do” you’re initiated into a fraternity, a fellowship and married men are your brethren. You hear the war stories; see the walking wounded, results of years of battle and in some cases, an actual smile. Men understand that love can’t always be hugs, kisses and beautiful words and have no problem relating the good, the bad, and the ugly, because every once in a while we look out for one another. There’s a certain responsibility that kicks in when you find that you’re in the presence of another married man, a little something that clicks and tells you that he understands…he has to, he’s married!
Staff Writer; Al-Lateef Farmer
More of his work can be found over at: The World According to Teef.
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